HI All,

 

I was at a meeting in another state and I heard about this group of Al-anon members that wrote daily letters to God/HP and shared them with each other each day.  I began doing it most days. Sounded like a good way to stay on top of communicating with each other, HP and a kind of tenth step/prayer opportunity where needed.

 

Here goes:

 

Dear Lord/ HP,

 

First off, thank you for all that sustains me today  Such Grace in my life. Tea, heated home, relationships of love, good night sleep, Son has insurance for this eventful week and Dr's with skill, Mom in good care finally, some sobriety in family system, Al-anon, some slow progress with boundaries-self care. 

 

I am still learning how to support sister without taking over & saving. (she's living alone, no kids or spouse- with so many healthcare issues caused by the disease and the poor choices/selfcare)  Being "concerned yet not consumed" by these situations, although it is so hard to say no to some of her frequent requests. still learning slowly--- how do I 'encourage and understand our alcoholic relatives and give comfort to families of alc.'  in this situation (as in tradition 5)? (Maybe I too am that family who also needs my comfort measures. ) I am sad for her state of life. I also have anger and frustration around the situation that I am willing to do some more journaling about and release. If I set healthy limits with what I can do for sister I do still feel in the FOG ( of f.ear o.bligation g,uilt) What part is giving comfort to families (including me as the family) and what part is still being understanding and encouraging to the A?  

 

I did hear at that morning zoom meeting about trying to simply show up in willingness and have God help us know what that looks like in each situation - that figuring it out isn't a slogan. Is it showing up for myself in my fatigue? Is it saying I love you and "no, that isn't going to work for me, but over here sister this is what I CAN help with" 

When i was a kid I would have to get sick in order to show up for myself - I would always be catching a cold or flu when things got too much in the family system. "I love you  & I care. I don't know what it is like to have these health problems and this addiction that caused it, but I can only do so much. The results of your poor choices and poor self care are not my emergency, not my responsibility."

 

Right now it feels like too much and I need to step back to self care--do something different so I don't need to be sick to do it. In the past having a "real" sickness was supplying a legitimacy to my much needed self care because I had no outside permission to do that or any idea how to do it. Here today, Al-anon gives me ideas about what it can look like to just rest, pray, go out in nature for a bit, journal, be honest with others and self, attend a few extra meetings, make ala-calls. Al-anon and HP give me the permission and mostly permission from my self. I heard at meeting: "Others are not pleased when we stop ppl pleasing" and that, with the strength of Al-anon, doesn't need to be a priority or even my business anymore.

 

Lord, I want to let go this fear about son and sister''s situations with addiction and health scares. Please lift up me and my loved ones up today especially my son with this current health challenge-- I pray for your wisdom to work through all professionals/ppl who come in contact with him/them. 

 

Please lift up this Al-anon community and if this letter to you could reach someone's heart that needs to hear something within my particular story of fear and pain then that makes the darker stuff in our lives transformative and seem a bit more worth it. 

I thank you in advance for all this help and so many gifts I have yet too see come through for all of us.

 

Please show me and teach me the way I should go and help me be receptive to your wisdom. I am grateful for the self care ideas Lord. I truly am and to know if I get it "wrong" somehow, I am still loved, cared for and held by you and Al-anon. I love you... I thank you... I trust you. Amen.