The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about patience within the alanon program; its about how there are no timetables in the program; its about letting go of the phrase why me?. The writer describes coming to alanon with complaints. Why was he/she given alcoholic parents? Why did he/she have to suffer from embarrassment whenever friends came to the house? Although the writer did not receive the sympathy that was sought, he/she kept returning to meetings. Over time the writer heard stories of those who had it much worse. After more time and meetings an idea presented itself in answer to why me?. It was: why not me?. The writer started thinking that maybe there wasnt anything so special about him/her that would provide an exemption from difficulties and struggles in life. This was the moment that allowed the writer to move into acceptance.
This reading made me remember some times when I would question what seemed to me to be very unfair conditions in my life. Wasnt I doing what I was supposed to? Shouldnt I be rewarded for correct behavior on my part? Like many other times, the power of humility helped me see another side of this coin. I remember asking a counselor (in extreme frustration) if it were not reasonable for me to expect someone in my life to demonstrate a certain behavior. The answer was- yes, I was being unreasonable, expecting something other than alcoholic behavior from an alcoholic! After sitting in stunned silence I realized this was exactly correct, and that helped me to see things in a new light. The quotation from Courage to Change (p.128) summarizes this idea as well:
I therefore resolve to stop blaming the alcoholic for what is beyond his or her control-including the compulsion to drink. Instead, Ill direct my efforts where they can do some good: I will commit myself to my own recovery.
Thank you Mary for your service and all shares. Before Al-Anon, my mantra (oozing with smugness) was I can't expect a person in a sick state of mind to make healthy decisions. When I was asked to put down the microscope and pick up the mirror, it turns out I was the sick(er) one!! I wasted a lot of time and energy asking why. Now, I focus on what. What am I going to do to fix me. I stumble a lot but I accomplish a lot more in the process and feel more at ease.
