The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading, the author reflects on our interconnectedness. The author shares that everyone who plays a part in our lives can offer something that we can learn. Others can act as our mirrors, reflecting our better or worse qualities, help us to work through unresolved past conflicts, or act as catalysts. Other people can learn from us as well.
The author suggests that when we are struggling to deal with someone, whether it be impatience at a share, offence at inattention, or struggling to cope with another's choices, we might consider that a teacher or mirror stands before us, and that by examining our thoughts and emotions carefully, we might learn more about ourselves.
Today's Reminder: One reason I come to Al-Anon is to learn to develop healthy, loving relationships with myself and others. I recognize that I need other people. I will welcome those my Higher Power brings to me today.
Today's Quote: "Separate reeds are weak and easily broken; but bound together they are strong and hard to tear apart." ~ The Midrash
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In the past, I often struggled to deal with people. I was impatient, frustrated, and didn't enjoy many interactions. With the help of the program, I began to ask myself why I was so bothered with the actions and behaviors of others. Sometimes there was a clear answer. My spouse's behavior impacts me directly, especially when I allow it to. Other times, I realized that I was allowing myself to be frustrated or impatient about things that didn't really impact me at all. Now, when I feel annoyed by another person, I ask myself which aspect of myself I see mirrored in their behavior. I take these situations as an opportunity to practice patience, acceptance, and self-love.
I've found that I have a negative and harsh opinion of myself, and so it helps me to see myself through the eyes of others. This helps me have a more realistic opinion of myself. With practice, I hope to be more gentle and accepting of myself. I have found though, that it is important to keep the right people close to me, because when I surround myself with people who are also unduly harsh, listening to those opinions just confirms my own unkind opinion of myself. Being sure that I bind myself together with the right reeds (referencing the quote) is one way I can support myself and show loving kindness to myself.
I hope you make today a great day!
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Skorpi, thanks for sharing this page and your ESH.
I love this thought and concept and struggled similarly with people I didn't align with.
Blessed with the gift of desperation, I learned first to sit through Alanon meetings with many whom I shared little with beyond the concern of someone else's drinking.
Eventually I realized I was actually learning valuable lessons from some of these same individuals. This was possible because I stopped focusing on the differences between us and opened up my senses to consider what ALanon principles were in play and how I could apply them in my life.
These lessons and concepts have and continue to change my life experience for the better...so grateful for Alanon
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks Skorpi for your service and all above ESH. I have learned a lot from this program and all the program people I'm fortunate to learn from as well. I find there are difficult people all around--in my family, in the grocery store, on the road driving, etc. Bless them, change me--that's where I try to go as my answer, along with setting boundaries and detaching with love. I do see the benefit and opportunity to learning from all these encounters. If I can navigate them successfully, I can become a better person.
After much of my life carrying a negative self-image, I have arrived at a better place in the way I see myself. Years of therapy, program, and two sponsors, have all helped me along this journey. Betty especially, helped me come to face to face with my assets, where I had been desperately attached to my weaknesses. When I slip back and give myself a negative comment, I now tell myself to knock it off. I can see and work on flaws, but have become more kind to myself. It's quite a relief and helps me enjoy life better.
