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The past couple days I've started to see my own co-dependency...I guess I've always saw myself as a independent person...but my view has quickly changed. I'm seeing how much I've become entwined in the life of my A. I've been very down on myself for not being how I use to be...(into music and time alone, reading, writing, creative projects) I've let it all go to what sit and monitor my A..thinking if I can keep in occupied enough, happy enough they maybe I'll be happy to cause he will be happy. damm..I'm so pathetic!! it all has just recently come to my vision and to be honest the past couple days I've slipped into a depression about it. I'm losing myself....I know I need to and want to change...my A just had another relapse and things seem to be swirling around and round. yesterday I did walk away to take a walk with one of my friends...it was nice to get out and be around other people...I'm just struggling with this whole taking care of myself...maybe cause I'm afraid of how he will react/manipulate me...whine that I don't love him...etc...I hate that crap. any ESH?
Seems like you've answered your own question (ha ha). When I got busy, I got better. There's a book entitled the same. Keeping the focus on you helps too. Get to a meeting, meetings dilute our distorted thinking. You posted here too. You've recognized what you want to change. I think you are doing great so far. Just keep coming.
We have a chat room too. It's awesome: www.mipchat.net say yes to authenticity question.
welcome, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
It is so true, when we get busy we get better. I don't like sitting around, it is to much of an opportunity to feel sorry for myself to to obsess over stuff.
((((((((((((((jojo))))))))))))))) welcome I total agree the busier you are the better you feel and you don't have time to sit around on your pitty pot thinking and obsession about things!!!
hey jo jo (((((hugs))))) i know what you mean about discovering our co-dependancy. i certainly didn't think it applied to me, and was so surprised to see in it so many different areas of my life and relationships. reading the book co-dependant no more (beatte) really helped me to see it, not beat myself up about it and to make change. and i agree f2f meetings really help a lot. keep up the focus on you and take good care of yourself! quest
I was just dealing with an issue I dealt with a while ago in a fourth step of sorts when a friend of mine did not tell me she was angry at me. Then she went and told everyone else and got them to act on it for her. I have been tremendously hurt by that action. At the same time as someone who was compulsively people pleasing most of my life I cannot judge her. At the same time I don't think we will have a close friendship again because clearly there was no honesty there.
My own codependency is mani layered and deep and I am willing these days to deal with it. The damage of that behavior is immense for me.