The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I am feeling quite unsettled. I got a drunk dial call last night, asking me to come home because he was so lonely, then told he was in the kitchen by the refrigerator .... then the phone got cut off. I did not call back.
He is lonely .... why am I worried about if he will have sex with someone if I am done?
Only calling when loaded ... Only time feelings can come out or only time he even thinks about me?
Kitchen ... cooking drunnk? UGGGHHH
I keep offering all my worries up to my HP, it helps some, probably would help more if I could just trust in something fully. If I can't trust my HP fully then who can I? I'm working on my faith it's slow going at least it feels slow.
The call made me sad, he tries so hard to hide it all from me when I am around ... I leave and boom call me drunk? Manipulation? Like a look if you were home I would not have done this?
I know I should be focusing on myself and not thinking about his motivations or actions. In a way it is working on me ... opening my eyes to actions and seeing things as real not the hope or dream I may want.
My first thought after his call was not about any of my worries or hopes ... my thought was he did nto ask how I was or what I was doing or anything ... it was all about what he needed. Maybe that shows some of my own denial melting away?
Anyway I am learning some things by being here at my Mom's ... as much as I love her (which is HUGE) there are things that I see in her personality I will do my best to not follow. Critical and tenacious about people and their actions at times. I will be watching my tongue for a while now after seeing it from the outside.
Hello Jen , well it's always about them and thier needs,the sooner u udnerstand that the easier it will be to keep the focus on yourself. No doubt he is lonely but he has a choice stop doing what he's doing and u would probably return home. He is not ready yet to make that final decission that he needs so u can be together again. This is a very selfish disease and really dosn't care muc about others needs or wants.
I hope you are attending meetings for yourself ,they will help u keep focused on your own recovery. compassion is good but don't let it overwhelm u and turn to pity which isn't good for anyone. keep commin back Louise
isn't it funny how we realize things when we are ready? i knew my ah was selfish in his disease but it really hit me the last time i spoke with him and he didn't ask once about me, the kids, my dying father. all he wanted was me to take care of him. and he didn't understand why i wouldn't. it was so eye opening. my father is dying end stage cancer and still asks how my ah is. my ah who hasn't spoken to or apologized ever to my dad for the truly awful things he did. my father was always willing to accept my ah back if that's what i chose. what a great lesson in how to forgive and forget and accept. be gentle with yourself and give yourself a big hug for being aware of behaviors in yourself and others that you don't want to repeat.
Jen good for you for having the courage to stay away. Be glad he is miserable. He needs to be to learn how awful it is to be so sick.
Well I never worry about A being with anyone else. But I can see what makes people worry about it. Ya love him, just becuz he is sick, does not mean you don't have feelings anymore.
We read it and hear it allll the time how they do not ask how we are. Shaking head. Such an awful illness.
I am glad you are learning at your moms. We all have things we don't like in each other. in our moms too.
Good for you not wanting to be critical. My aunt is like that, and I got tired of saying, "thank goodness it is not my job to judge." Or deflaming something awful she had said. I cannot shut mymouth and won't. I don't like racial jokes.
I also don't like her saying how she wants a "white" person to answer a phone when she is calling for help for something or another. I told her I just want someone who knows what they are doing, I don't care what color they are! rrrrrr
I am grateful for posts about growth. Feeling unsettled and growing inspite of it. What a concept Heh? Alcoholic's are real people with real feeling and the worse disease that ever existed. I have learned that the only real recovery from it is Spiritual. It seems you have learn this and more while he has yet to. Your HP can do a better job at this than you and you keep practicing it. I have learned from this myself, although never perfectly and just enough for it to work marvelously. Thanks for the lessons. (((((hugs))))))
