The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's author points to the range of alcohol related problems we hear about and see, from levels of embarrassment and minor problems to major legal and safety concerns. While it is natural for Alanoners to feel desire to help, care must be shown to avoid advising actions that may have unintended results.
Reminder: 'I will refrain from making judgements or giving advice.' Instead, point the way toward the Alanon program resources to allow them to shape their own solutions to their challenges.
"God grant that I may never urge anyone to take any action but the constructive one of employing Alanon ideas." - Unattributed
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The next best steps for others often seem clearly evident to me, and historically I did not hesitate to freely dispense solutions as I perceived them.
Alanon guided me to the realization that this tendency was good for no one: I was overstepping what I could control into the domain of others and their higher power when I don't even know what choices are best for myself. Once I step outside of recommending Alanon guidance and principles, I am suggesting ideas that seem good based upon my worldview, interpersonal model and personality but may present unforeseen difficulties and even danger for others should they try to initiate them.
Suggesting them to others is not my right or my responsibility, and I need regular reminders to reel myself back inside my circle. Far better it is that, when I feel the need to help, I pull from the vast library of ALanon pages and principles that offer guidance.
Grateful for the reminder: less me, more program = better for all
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you Paul for your service and all above ESH. A & I had a friend over for dinner on the weekend. A's behavior was truly embarrassing. We spoke about it briefly last night. I asked a question (which I shouldn't have because I know the answer, but I could not refrain): Do you think you need help? And of course the answer is : No. And I let go and let God. I can only take the best care of myself that I am able to. I reviewed the reasons why I remain in this marriage, and I can stay as long as I can have no expectations and the ability to detach with love. It's a challenge every day, but I do get better at coping. I feel sorry for my A who chooses no help.
