Alanon guides us to take responsibility for our own, not others' actions. Our spiritual goal: not slide into anger or resentment when they try to blame us for their woes, and not to fall into the trap of escalation by defending ourselves.

This is a challenge that one member likened to having the 'devil sitting on my back with a fifty pound lead weight in each pocket.' 

Reminder: I don't need to accept the blame for anyone else's actions. I need just use Steps 4-10 to guide me in what to do that will result in a better spiritual outcome for me and all I interact with.

"Let me weight my misdeeds on an honest scale and meek restitution as well as I can. But let not the scale be unbalanced by the weight of what others have done." - Unattributed

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This is a tough one that I need to refocus on. I've got the not taking blame from others part down, but have been allowing myself to slide right over to the anger and defending myself. 

When I look at it, I realize I have allowed a sense of justification because I feel I have allowed plenty of time for them to change, adjust, and it has gone past what I feel is acceptable. By making clear where they are wrong, I hope to help them see what they don't seem to on their own.

By doing so, I contribute to the escalation, and by allowing my anger to enter the mix, undoubtedly allow them to attribute my behavior to the cause of their woes...and I guess in part they are right. I don't even know what's best for them, I just think I do...

I need to return focus on my side of the street, allow them to figure out theirs...the basics of Alanon can't be shorted without a negative spiritual impact for everyone.

Grateful for the reminders