Unfortnuntely my other post about birthdays went awol and the only bit that showed up was at the end.  My birthday is on Tuesday. This last year has been particularly difficult which is one reason I came to al-anon.  I guess I had to hit a whole series of bottoms to get here. 

I make this new birthday with al-anon support rather than feeling like I am in isolation.  Nevertheless I feel I have so so far to go in terms of getting to feel independent, less dependent on so many levels on the A and more integrated into a life I can embrace.  Finding work has been a tremendous challenge for me after a recession that was devastating to the area I live in.  Some of my long term goals was to move to another area where the economy is not boom/bust.  I have had good times in the area I live in but this last "bust" was so awful.

I have always felt I had choices before and economic stuff never affected me in the same way as this last bust did.  I think many of my childhood issues also came tumbling down.  Among them the issue of being molested as a child.  I have always shelved that issue on many many levels because working it through made me very depressed, and of course incredibly angry and feeling abandoned and betrayed.  This time around I could not shelve it and it was like being swallowed by a black hole for a long long time. 

I feel like I am through that on many many levels for a while.  So this birthday is a turning point for me of sorts of moving on with al-anon by my side.  Of putting so many of the al-anon things to work in my life rather than feeling like I have no tools to deal with people.

thank you all for being here for me through a very difficult time.

Maresie.