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Hi, tried posting this last night but I must have clicked the wrong button because it did not show up. So, here it is again. I will be going to an Al-anon meeting in a bit.
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I stopped going to Al-Anon a while back. My son is\was doing fairly well… for not doing a 12 step program or therapy or something, that is. I have helped him with traffic tickets and getting his license back. Back when only a few months dry and clean except for pot which was not problematic for him… But, probation for shoplifting made him give that up even… anyway, he moves in with a nice enough young woman but from a dysfunctional family too with her personal emotional/mental baggage, her son, and three cats for a total of five cats, his too. He has trouble keeping jobs, which I suspect is due to severe low self-steam and talking too much. Other than the financial help, I have kept his struggling lifestyle out of my life. As it is he is two months behind on his probation payments, which is $200 and he wrote a check to his landlord, he only had $140, so like any level headed overly mature and sensible... mentally and spiritually bankrupt dummy… he goes down to casino land… of course he has to drink to a drunken state while he so wisely invests his money to make profit to cover his rent check and pay his probation cost as they are threatening to take him to court, which with no doubt mean two years in jail. He shows up on my doorstep at 11:00 p.m. not only smelling like alcohol but crying in his beer and pleading for $300. I remind him he has not been paying on past debt, that he is crying in his beer, I surely ain’t going to give him any money while is drunk, and to go home and nowhere but home, and things will look better in the morning when the alcohol wears off some… well, the short of it is I kick his butt out the door with a caution he ought to drive slow and watch out for the cops… no booze is part of his probation, of course. Presently, I feel right but so awful too, and at the moment I had nowhere to come but here for people who know. I foresee an Al-anon meeting tomorrow. What bugs me now, is that once my squirrelly mind latches onto something, it can’t let it go. I am going to have to ask my God for help in helping myself to let it go so I can get some sleep. I have an early morning most pleasant bike riding and exercise walking at a local very beautiful large lake park. My son was raised by his drunken brutal mother, suffered a horrendous childhood, and knew not of me other that I was dead or on welfare and did not care about him. He came to me about three years ago now after being strung out on speed, booze, etc from jail and no place to go. He is 29 years of age with probably the maturity of a 20 year old. He has come a long way since he has been here but got a long ways to go yet. Thanks for listening. Knowing what I know of Al-anon and its great people, I know I do not have to ask if you mind me being back… but much thanks for having me back… much, much, and much.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))) for your struggle to allow your son the dignity of making his own mistakes.
With the Gift of Desperation (G.O.D), the only way up will be help.
Has he ever tried AA? He could learn so much for those in AA that are practicing their own recovery. Sometimes, us parents aren't the most objective (I am the mother of 3 sons :) ).
I keep coming no matter what because I've learned that in life "Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional," and I am opting to not suffer.
Bless your heart and get to a meeting
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Just because we know what to do (allow the A's to suffer their consequences) doesn't mean it is easy, that's why we're here. But we know if the A's in our lives are to ever face their disease, thay have to hit some sort of bottom and face it alone.
Bottom is different for everyone, normally it is when they have made such a mess there is absolutely nowhere to turn and they are out of resources. The less we bail them out of their self made jams, the faster they they will hit bottom.
I'm so glad you have decided to go to a meeting and get support. You know the saying: Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Keep coming back, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
So happy to have you back with us again no matter the reason! Your posts help me so much when I first came to Al-Anon that it's a privilege to welcome you back Hope to see lots of ya in the days to come.
Welcome back Home (((((((((((((((Richard)))))))))))))!!!!!
I was looking at some older posts just the other day, (didn't get very far back cause we have so many pages here now LOL), and for some reason the thought crossed my mind "I wonder what happened to Richard, haven't seen him in a long time" - and now here you are!! Really glad you're back (((Richard))), I too always enjoyed your posts, whether I agreed or not, they always made me think!!! And that's a wonderful thing!
How are you feeling today? Any better? I remember you talking about your bike riding and that lovely lake park and sharing pictures and thoughts of some of the trees. Remember the one about the tree that had that big growth on it, but still grew like all the rest - every time I see a tree with one of those on it now, I think of you and that story you told.
So glad you are back.
With program love, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
Hi Richard I'd say welcome back, but I'm one of the many new folks here, so I guess I'll say that I'm glad you're here and hope you'll keep coming back.
Ok u no me, pot not problematic??? Last I knew it was not legal.
In my experience, to give an A financial assistance just makes the disease feel better and makes it easier for it to continue, and thrive.
I finally seriously see, to give them anything ,does the exact opposite, of what we want for them.
Very sad to hear he is still not climbing back up. As far as an A's past, it is my experience, if their past causes them that much pain, they know how to get couseling and see a doctor.
If I am hurting bad enough, I know I go for help.
I have no more babying or enabling an A in me. I see for sure, they need to be in the street if that is their path, hungry, sick, cold, hot, broke, in jail, whatever. To take away any pain, or pacifying it, does not allow them to get where they need to, to maybe have a chance to get to a good place.
so glad you are still bike riding. I know you love your son a lot, and we have to grow to, to get where we really are helping and not pacifying the disease.
No one can make us get where we need to be either. We must find it ourselves.
Hi Richard. I haven't been on-line long so it's nice to meet you. In Al-Anon I heard it never matters how long you've been away or why. What's important is that you're here now. Hope you enjoy your meeting.
(((RICHARD))) though our stories are bit' different ( I am like you in that) I too have returned after a too long stint away. Missed ... face to face talks...a loving sponsors kindness...and strong determinationin guiding me to 'keep working them steps!"
I Love the Hugs~~ AND~~ even the tears are easier to fall, cause I know here, its ok to cry. its a healing and its helped in clearing my mind, uplifting me, comes shining in the Hope for tomorrows to be better (brighter / lighter ) for my Self. The "understanding" I receive. More clarity towards my inner peace and my inner love has returned (never left just got dusty lol) I continue to feel stronger. I suppose its most of all the feeling of unconditional love that I can only find here inAlanon.
So glad you decided to come back. It's wonderful to have friends that we can share our es&h with. I am one ((your friend))
(((BIGHUG))) I hope we see you in chat too KEEP LOOKING uP!
Well, I have helped my son financially on more time. Only this time, I told him that, that night was an eye opener for me. I told him he needs to learn to be self-supportive and not lean on me for financial support. He said he does not know how let himself gamble and drink. I told him that his horrible childhood did not give him straight thinking. I told him that he cannot just wish for straight thinking; he has to work for it. There is an awesome self-help books store near by. He bought the subject back up. I have purchased off the Internet and shipped to him a copy of the “The Games People Play”. If he reads it will be small step in learning to get thinking outside his own mind. He has written a post dated check for the money I loaned him this time. I have done this once before and the check was good then. I suspect it will be good now. It is not that I have been enabling him to do drugs like alcohol and pot as he has not been doing them much at all if any, except for the other night with alcohol. I have been enabling him in not leading a more efficient lifestyle.
I much thank all of you for your welcome backs and support.
In Al-Anon I heard it never matters how long you've been away or why. What's important is that you're here now. Hope you enjoy your meeting.
x Maria x
.and strong determination 
in guiding me to 'keep working them steps!" 
lol) I continue to feel stronger. I suppose its most of all the feeling of 
unconditional love that I can only find here in Alanon. 
So glad you decided to come back. 
It's wonderful to have friends that we can share our es&h with. 
I am one ((your 
friend)) 
KEEP LOOKING uP! 