The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about how the tools and practices within alanon help us to find our rights and personal growth. The writer describes being affected by his/her fathers alcoholism by experiencing depression, overeating and low self-esteem. After attending several alanon meetings, the writer began to see that the issues that were holding life at a standstill grew from the inability to be true to him/herself. The writer noticed that there was a tendency to be taken advantage of because he/she wanted to please others. Then there would be a depressed reaction if the writer behaved in a way that was in opposition to his/her beliefs. If the writer set a boundary, there was guilt about it. The writer describes this impossible balancing act as going through life walking on a tightrope. Alanon showed the writer there were rights to discover: meetings included the right to speak without interruption or advice. Anonymity was respected. The writer heard for the first time that no is a complete sentence. He/she began to apply the Serenity Prayer to relationships and the instinct of people pleasing. There were ways to set realistic goals and work step by step to achieve them, building self esteem.
Like the writer, I have experienced fallout from alcoholism in all the ways described above. When I attempt to scrutinize the reasons behind behavior I would like to change, it is usually rooted in some attempt at control over things that are not controllable (so I will set up a way to exert control- like over- or undereating). One of the most valuable things I have learned is that the feeling of security and control can radiate out if I am taking care of myself with: exercise, eating well, meditation/prayer. Over time I have felt less like I am reacting to events in my life (and other peoples lives!) and more like I am paying attention to my own.
The quotation from From Survival to Recovery (p276) reminds us: Al-Anon taught me that I am worth somethingbutmost of allthat I can choose how to live my life.
