The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have had a lousy week. I am emotional this week for a few reasons. My alanon friend lost her boyfriend to this disease just over a week ago. My alcoholic boyfriend drank over it, which scares me. (He only had about a month sober...but still...) I came home to my apartment being torn apart by construction workers (lots of miscommunication between them, my landlord, and me) and I couldn't be in my apartment for a few evenings (we slept there but couldn't stay for long). Anyway...long story short...
My A and I were going to a couples thing tonight. It was important to me. HE knew it was. HE made other plans with a friend and asked if tonight's committment was tomorrow. I was nice and said, "Oh no, it's tonight...sorry" and he got upset because I just assumed he was going to cancel with his friend. After all, he sees me every day and only sees this guy once a month.
Of course, I want him to be the way I want him to be. I know that's not okay and I prayed this morning and do feel better. But at one point he said I was acting crazy. I was flabbergasted. He said I don't deal well when plans get changed and asked how I've dealt with it in the past. I told him that honestly I am not often let down by people because most people I've been with as friends or lovers have followed through with commitments like that. Not in so many words he said that I should be more flexible because plans we make can be rescheduled much more easily than with his friend. This is true but I haven't seen him this week (with the exception of going to a wake together) and was looking at tonight as a nice break for my hectic week (I won't see him this weekend). I offered compromises (I told him he should go to his friend's house at noon and I'd pick him up when I got out of work around 5:45 and we could still make the meeting...I also offered to drive him--he has no license--to visit later in the week) and he just said I was selfish for not just saying he could go.
Anyway...I'm actually feeling much better and a part of me needed to write it all out, you know? Thanks for listening. I am actually looking forward to meeting up for dinner with an alanon buddy and being sound asleep before the aforementioned doorknob...oops I mean boyfriend...gets home.
Hello, Serenity Girl, I'm so glad you have found Alanon. I hope you are going to face to face meetings, that you have a sponsor, and that you are working the steps. When you do those things, you can begin to be clear about what is all right and what is not all right in your life, for YOU. Blessings, mebjk
Congradulations on taking care of you by findnig and implementing "plan b". Changing your expectations can change your hurt when a commitment is broken by an "a" as they so often are. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. Keep coming back and working this wonderful program so that you can hang on to as much of that serenity as possible.
You are not crazy! Wake up every morning and say to yourself "I am not crazy." Sounds like to me, (and what do I know really ~ ha ha) that he was projecting onto you because he was disappointing you. Rather than deal with his own feelings, he made it about you.
Keep coming. A meeting is just the thing to clear up our own distorted thinking . That's why I come.
yours in recovery,
Maria123
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I often times deal and feel like this. It does make me feel crazy too. You r post caught my eye because I sent an email to a friend with the same title.
