The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This writer notes that 'detachment' can be misunderstood, but for them it means freedom - ownership of their own, and others: theirs.
Seeing this as a freedom allows them to hold onto their humanity as measured by ability to recognize another's pain and joy, to still identify, love and care about them... To not take things personally.
All this but without feeling the need to remove their pain, change them, or like everything they say or do; this is an Alanon success story.
Reminder - I can detach and still feel, love...let them take care of theirs while I take care of mine. I can detach without losing compassion.
"Love your neighbor, yet pull not down your hedge." - George Herbert -------------------- Ah, detachment with love...a miracle of Alanon, something for which I strive but have much room for improvement. For me it seems more difficult the closer the individual is to me. I blur some of the lines of what is theirs and what is mine in the areas of shared responsibility.
This detachment page is helpful for me as it provides a helpful perspective: consider what they are going through first, not just how I fear it will negatively impact me. Feel compassion for them even if I feel their pain is self inflicted. After all, most of my life's pain has been self inflicted also, didn't make it less painful.
Once I successfully tap into compassion, the harshness of my feelings and potential response can fade, allowing space for Alanon guidance to emerge. The result is so much better for all...grateful for the reminder
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks Paul for your service and for all above ESH. Detachment is one of the tools that has given me freedom, however, there are many! At times I can detach with love, but there are times when I simply cannot. I'm better at detaching without anger and resentment, but I'm always a work in progress. Progress not perfection. :)
