The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading speaks to us about worry and how Al-Anon shows us that when we lean on our HP and the fellowship that we can,
with time, find peace.We may continue to worry about how our troubles may return and what the future holds for us, but we learn
that there is no sense living under those negative assumptions and that trusting that our HP only wants the best for us and our
family/friends, allows our growth and faith to blossom.
Todays reminder:Today I will take a few minutes to acknowledge my growth.I am not perfect, but I certainly have made progress.
.we may not recognize our progress right away, but the effects of working the Al-Anon program are profound and lasting.~ In All Our Affairs
My intentions, when I interfere, maybe well intended, but taking over someone elses issues because I worry about the outcomes, is not healthy
for that person(s) or me.
When I Let Go and Let God I am exhibiting faith in that person(s) and my HP.
I am reminded about how it was when I raised my children, especially as they got older.If I took over they lost their self respect and learned nothing.
If they failed, the last thing I wanted to do was show disappointment because we all learn from our mistakes and to belittle them would be so counter productive.
So I would remind them that we are all human, make mistakes, learn from those mistakes and pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and try again!!!
All we can do is show that we are there is support if asked for, but it is not my place to take over or show the alcoholic how wrong they are.
Detaching with love is the Al-Anon lesson for peace, for the alcoholic in my life and me!!
How do you view your role in peace keeping in the midst of crisis?{{HUGS}}
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Thanks Debbie
In answer to your question about peace-keeping, I find myself getting more distressed about other people's crises than they are! It's really noticeable when someone in my family tells me about a conflict, even if it is at work or with someone I don't know, I feel really upset as if I need to somehow fix it and I start urging them to do this or that to smooth it over. I'm not sure why I have such a strong reaction to hearing about conflicts I am not even part of but I feel really upset by it. So a good example would be my sister recently telling me about arguing with her boss (who I have never met) and I felt so upset I had to fight the urge to call him to ask him to be nicer to her. I went as far as looking up the phone number. Insanity! So when the conflict or crisis is in my own home, detaching from what isn't mine is a monumental task and I am terrible at it (so far).
Going back to the reading, it stems from 1) imagining the worst possible outcome for everyone involved and then 2) being overcome with anxiety about this imagined outcome and focusing all of my energy on trying to prevent it. It's just crazy. I appreciate this reminder to step back and have faith in other people's abilities to sort out their own crap! It's just amazing how easily I revert to thinking that I am capable of/ responsible for making sure everyone in the world experiences pleasant, diplomatic relationships lol!!
This is a very good topic. I actually am in the middle of a crisis still after a few months and on most days I am surprised at well I am dealing with it. On other days though, I am frantic and trying to fix and control but it's pretty amazing that those days are way less than the others.
Actually it's not even my crisis but everyone is so used to me being the one to take control and fix everything that people are still mad that I'm not doing that this time. People(extended family) are upset with me that I told them it's not my problem to solve and I am not going to do anything at all and instead I am sitting back and letting it all play out. They're mad because I told them I don't even want to discuss it with them and they need to talk to the person involved directly.
I've never really done things in this way before,I have tried but simply wasn't able to stick with it. It feels so much better to not hold myself responsible for another persons actions/behaviors/problems.And it certainly feels much better to not allow other people to hold me responsible either.
When other people are frantic about it I sometimes become frantic too. Those times really,really suck. I will waste an entire day worrying and stressing and obsessing over all the what if's. I don't want to go through days like that at all anymore but Rome wasn't built in a day and I am grateful for the days that I am serene over it and turn it all over to my HP where it belongs.
Sorry if this sounds like a ramble. I am not even sure if I am on topic right now because I have now forgotten what todays reading is and I am too lazy to scroll up and re-read it.
Thanks Debbie for your service and the wonderful ESH above. I do try to acknowledge my progress from time to time because living with an untreated alcoholic is a persistent challenge. When I came to the rooms I was a train wreck and now I navigate the rails fairly well. I do have moments of discouragement and disappointment, but it never sticks for too long. I lean on program people, my HP, this board, and my meeting, to get me over the rough spots. There will be many more to come, and I'm grateful they are less intense and less frequent.
Thank you DM2021 for the daily and the awesome shares. Each share articulates pieces of me and it feels so good to be part of this group...many great lessons served with a dose of humor. "You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm"...that has saved me from that pathological need to advocate for others. Right now, my only goals are to strengthen my relationship with my HP and to be of service to those that support that goal. I don't know how it works, but somehow problems miraculously get solved when my HP is in charge.
Of course I come here and see posted exactly what I needed today! Funny how that works, huh? LOL!
Thank you Deb for your service, and I enjoy reading everyone's ESH on this... I always seem to get a "take-away" from each of you. That is the miracle in progress!!
I am currently trying to live "Peace in the Midst of Crisis" right now. My mother is still hospitalized, and due to Covid surging, no visitors. It is extremely hard to advocate for someone if you aren't there. And boy, in today's medical landscape, you really NEED an advocate to make sure you get the care you need. I am not trying to disparage the HCW's at all - this is a by-product of our for-profit health system, and the fact for three years this system has been overwhelmed. Every day there seems to be a new "thing" that has popped up for my mother to deal with alone. Thank my HP & her God that she has wonderful, caring nurses, and doctors.
Specifically, I have used the prayer, "I release these thoughts of worry, & turn it all over to you, HP. Help me to be strong today." Yes, I have had crying jags at work each day when I allow my worry to consume me - but I go back to that sentence, and I seem to be able to put things back together. It has also allowed me to see & acknowledge when I want to "jump in and help." I know that is my reaction to feeling anxiety about not having control over the outcome. Without my Al-Anon tools, and you fine MIP members to ground me, I would be spiraling for sure!
So, today... I am grateful for the tools in my toolbox, and the friends here on MIP!!
&
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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