The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I remember trying to get involved with Alanon years ago, when my AH first got sober.I went to those meetings because I was told I had to or he would get better and I would stay sick.I wanted the marriage to work out so I went.
I hated it.I sat there and listened to women tell horror stories of their lives with active alcoholics and say " I could never live with him if it weren't for Alanon".I used to think, why do you stay with him if you have to go to meetings to survive?Wouldn't it be easier to just leave?
Well I'm older now,and maybe a LITTLE bit wiser.I understand the program and the value of learning a healthy way to live no matter what other people in your life are doing,alcoholics,or not.
But my heart goes out to those who come to these rooms in order to stay with and deal with the A's in their lives.I am just realizing that my entire family are alcoholics,except for my mother.I always knew they drank, but I never made the connection.Boy was I blind.
I am not as strong as some of you are.I am going to be separating from my AH,his choice,and I am planning to distance myself from my 2 sisters and 2 brothers ( 1 A brother and 1 A sister have passed away from the disease.I used to have 3 and 3).I am completely appalled at their behavior these days and realizing their self centered,self serving motives behind everything they do.They are mean to my mom who is 90 years old.I am the only one who just gives her love with no ulterior motive.When she is gone I think they will find me a stranger.I have always been an outsider to them and now I know why.I want to stay that way.I cannot help them and I no longer have a desire to.I am learning detachment and I am using it for my sanity.
I grew up with this disease,(my dad),and I married into it.I want to surround myself with people who are kind,honest,dependable,trustworthy.People of integrity and decency.Who will do things for others even when they don't feel like it or when it does not serve them in any way.I am sick of the selfishness.I want real love if it is out there.I hope I can recognize it.
I am amazed at the people in Alanon dealing with abuse and fear and control and anger.Safety issues,children at risk,lives at stake.Even dogs mistreated.Unbelievable.
I couldn't do it.My A was never abusive we just are not compatible so we argued alot.Now he is being disrespectful to me with his online girlfriend and the marriage is over.He has been a jerk at times,dry drunk.He has never been a partner,he just wants to play, no responsibility.So I was the man and the woman in the relationship.He drank at home and fell asleep.Never went to bars always gave me his paycheck and never asked what I did with it as long as he had whatever he wanted.
Someone else on the board said that their problems seemed to pale in comparison to some on here.I feel that way too.I guess all in all I have been luckier than some.Even still when I reached out you were there for me in support and encouragement even with what you are dealing with in your own lives.
The courage and strength that spreads in these rooms is awesome.There is definitely a higher power at work.
