The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I love this program for so many reasons, today because I can come and share something difficult and know that somewhere in the rooms, someone has gone through something similar and can share ESH on it.
My mom just emailed me the news from her doctor. About 1 year ago (almost to the date) she was rushed to the hospital with severe abdominal pain. Turned out she had colon cancer and her colon had ruptured. They found out the cancer had spread to the liver, but not to the lymph nodes. They seemed fairly optimistic at that point, once she got past the critical healing stage from surgery. She's been doing well on chemo since then, having now resumed teaching dance and other things.
Today she just found out there are many lesions on the liver and her cancer is incurable - it will NOT go into remission. She has a pretty good attitude about it. She said it's in God's hands and she'll just keep doing what she's doing until she can't do it anymore. But it is sad. She's always been the strong one out of my parents, my dad being an active A to this point even, now weak and on oxygen for emphysema as well. I expected news like this about him. But not about mom.
It's funny how we know in the back of our minds somehow that we are meant to outlive our parents, but when push comes to shove, it's hard to come to terms with the fact that the once invincible hero in our lives becomes the vulnerable who needs us.
My heart hurts a little today. I need to share that because it's so easy to get right into my head and start rationalizing and analyzing, but I need to stay in my heart a little, learn to feel and deal with the emotions. And she isn't gone today. But it is hard to see her in pain. I love her, and we always "want" to be able to kiss the boo boo and make it go away, even for our mommy.
My heart goes out to you. I hope you and your mom can make more memories together in the time she has left. I will surely pray for your family's peace through this very sad time.
I am so sorry to hear the sad news about your mother. I must say your response to it all is so amazing! You had some truly beautiful words to say about losing a loved one! You are right we know the time is coming--we are to outlive our parents, that doesn't really make it easier!
I wish you the best and will be praying for you and your family during this time!
(((((Karen)))))) Thanks for sharing this with us. I'm so sorry about the pain this must be causing you, and I wish you strength and courage as you deal with this, and for your mum too!
I know this news has your head and your heart reeling and I'm so sorry. You're mom sounds like an incredible lady. I know that I hope that when it's my time I can give my loved ones encouraging words like she gave you. How awesome to know your mom knows she's in God's hands. If you need to talk or scream or cry, I'd be your shoulder anytime.
I want to say, she is still mom, she is not her disease. I never mentioned it to mother unless she wanted to bring it up. She told me she felt worse for us kids than for herself.
Have seen people go from this. It is usually extremely peaceful. At least in my experince. I won't say more unless you want me to privately.
I know i had to rest a lot, take naps. Grieving is so hard. I started when mother was diagnosed. I can still remember the feeling. She was suppose to grow old with me. We were only 17 years apart.
I made sure I said everything I wanted to her. I put my arms around her at doc. app. I made sure she never had to stand in line, I did it. I made sure everyone was nice to her, and woe to anyone who wasn't.
I do understand. I became a mother bear to my mother.
I never believed anything the doctors said. I don't believe they know anything about cancer. I have seen too much and know too much.
You trust your intuition. I hope you keep posting.
Has your mom done everything she has wanted to? I wrote things down i wanted to remember.
I wish I could hug you. please take care of you. Don't be alone in this.
I am so sorry. We found out over a month ago that my mom, who is a 9 year breast cancer survior is terminal. I am at a loss knowing my best friend will not be here forever. The cancer is everywhere. She has a hospice nurse. The pain your feeling, I can truely relate to. Honor and treasure her while she's here. Try to think what all she has done in her lifetime and not what she won't do. You are truely in my heart and prayers.
Working in healthcare the last 13 years I have heard this more than anyone needs to, 10 of it was in homecare and hospice. Just today we had to tell a man he had 3-6 months to live and there was NOTHING we could do. What got to me was all he could do was worry about his wife of 50 years and his son that was there. The nurse had to come check on me! I get so attached, I couldn't fix this or even make it better. I just encouraged him to write letters for the grandkids to open on special days that he promised them that he would be there for. I felt so helpless.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Hi, ks, Thank you for posting here. I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer 5 years ago. At the end, I was her caregiver. And I really wanted to be there for her! I miss her every day. My heart goes out to you both. I will hold you in my prayers. mebjk
my father is end stage cancer. it is so incredibly sad that some days all i can do is cry. he is still the charismatic man he always was. he is sad and has aged 40 years in 4 weeks. but it is a true blessing that i get to have this time with him. i have a time frame now so that i can do and say the things i know i need to to him. i'm a dance teacher also and it's funny that you said she'll just keep doing what she's doing. no matter what has gone on in my life dance has always been my constant. a place where the outside could not come in. my escape. i pray that she'll always have peace. and i'll pray for you and i too.
I'm so sorry about your Mom.....she sounds like a very courageous lady! Cherish the time you have left with her. I will be keeping you all in my prayers.....God Bless
Hello Kay , sorry to hear about your mom , my husb had cholen cancer a few yrs back and seemed to be doing well . He is again in alot of pain and goes for tests at the end of the month. so i do understand . Spend all the time u can with her Kay, tell her everything u appreciate about her , thank her for what she did for you. so that u won't have to feel guilty when she is gone. if she dosent live close write her a letter and tell her how u feel . My mom died in Nov of last year and cleaning out her things I found the letters I had written to both her and my father thanking them for my life . I am so grateful I found this program so I could let them go with nothing left unsaid . (((((((hugsssss)))))))
I just read your post, I've been away for two days. I'm really sorry about your mom. I will pray for peace during this trasition for both of you. I'm glad you are here too.
Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
