The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about the distinction between focus on ourselves in recovery, understanding that we may have behaviors learned as coping mechanisms, and that we are responsible for our own shortcomings, regardless of where (or who) they came from. The writer describes a time in early recovery when he/she had the realization that there were many negative attitudes and behaviors learned from his/her parents. The writer understood on an intellectual level that he/she was responsible for his/her own shortcomings, but it took some time and struggle to understand this more deeply. And then the sentence that resonates so strongly: I had to let go of the hope that some day my parents would teach me differently. The writer understood that his/her parents were operating at their own capacity. Through working the steps the writer slowly began changing behaviors that were negative and also accepted his/her parents right not to change.
This reading feels to me like the perfect description of letting go and letting God. Letting go of expectations- there is a pressure associated with them that easily fosters disappointment. Letting go of our own learned negative behaviors- there may be coping mechanisms that are no longer needed that mire us down. Letting go- the freedom of knowing that we only have our own path to walk, and need not make judgement about any one else and their decisions.
The quotation from From Survival to Recovery (p.17) is a helpful reminder about moving forward in recovery: Behaviors we adopted to cope with alcoholism in our families became so habitual we thought they were part of our identity.
I appreciate the idea that our sense of identity is always evolving and when we know better, we do better.
It sure seems like whenever I pop in here I find exactly what I need in the moment. I appreciate that.
I'm not really sure what to say though, maybe that's because I'm having a hard time being able to see to type with this huge lightbulb above my head right now(of course I only mean that figuratively)
Thank you Mary for your service and (((DM2021))). Yesterday was the anniversary of my father's death. After 25 years I no longer grieve the loss because I am thankful for the father he was. I had a great day reliving fond memories of education, sports, travel, music, interests, hobbies, work ethic and laughter . The negative, painful times I choose not to dwell upon. It only brings me to self pity which leads to unhealthy behaviours. Letting go of most resentments has created an intimate relationship with my (step)mom and she truly is an amazing woman. Have a serene Sunday.
Thank you Mary for your service and to all of those who share.
Like Sunnyfrog, I seem to get what I need, when I need it here!
I am having trouble lately accepting people for where they are right now. I seem to be stuck in a state of always thinking that people will "do better." So basically, having expectations. I know that I have a hard time living my life without assigning ANY expectations. So I get disappointed A LOT.
I am a work-in-progress,
Thank you for letting me vent.
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
