The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's contributor once considered forgiveness as a visible sign of their moral superiority, to bestowed as a form of power rather than a true moving forward from an event.
As they learned they have neither the right nor wisdom to judge the behavior of others, it became clear that forgiveness was more about remembering we are equals...none greater, none lesser, rather: taking turns doing noble or ignoble things, no one carrying out one or the other exclusively.
Our job is really to avoid taking on the mantle of judge, and with it, separation and elevation above others. Our goal becomes finding what makes us deeply, spiritually, content.
Reminder: I don't truly know what is going on behind others' behavior. When I hold on to resentment and assignment of blame to others, I become bitter in spirit. Today I can find a more fulfilling path.
"You can't hold a man down without staying down with him." - Booker T Washington ------------------- This concept remains a powerful one for me as it pulls some main Alanon concepts together.
I don't know what I should or should not do, can only make the best decision I can at the time, and certainly don't know what others should do.
Rather than focusing on what I think others should do, I am better served by focusing on what is in my power to change. For me, this means that if I am deciding whether I can/will/should forgive someone, I am already on the wrong side of my circle.
Remembering that I am just another child of humanity, and that my and others' higher power is in control, is not always is not always the first choice I wish it were. When I do, however, it has never failed to bring me better perspective, a sense of relief, and an easier selection of next steps...
Grateful for the wisdom and reminders of Alanon
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you for your service Paul. What a beautiful reminder!
I'm forever working on my pattern of difficulty letting go. I love this perspective and visual of how not letting go is not to anyone's best interest. I know the quicker I can let go of outcomes, the sooner I'll find peace... lots and lots of practice.
Paul, thanks for this wonderful topic and for all above ESH. I do forgive people, but most of the time it is just a conscious decision I make and keep it to myself. For instance, my older brother was abusive. I carried anger and resentment towards him and parents for years. Overtime, I have forgiven all of them. I haven't shared that with him. My dad died years ago, so I didn't have the opportunity to tell him or not--he was here one day and then gone. My mom and I had several therapy sessions together, and in that process I did verbally forgive her. So I think the best solution for me is not to make a rule about forgiveness that I have to follow.
Maybe 20 years ago I read a great book by Deepak Chopra. I have remembered one line for all these years: no one is above me and no one is below. That's what the reading was talking about in C2C. It's a good life lesson to hold on to. :)
