The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I do think we look outside of ourselves for validation when it needs to come from within – D#*!
On the other hand, living with alcoholism we begin to ask nothing of our spouses. Is it really too much to ask for a relationship with someone that really cares about us and loves us? It would be nice to have a partner that shows warmth and kindness. It would be nice if our homes were a place of peace and a refuge from the storm. (Okay, I could show more warmth and kindness, but D#*$, I’m mad). Twenty years of trying to fix this marriage and make it work tends to make one irritable and unreasonable without even knowing it.
By the way, after a couple of name changes, I hope to stick with Janoah. Until I either really make someone mad or tell to many secrets - Then I may have to change my name again.
When my "A" is in active addiction, sometimes I go "fishing" just to see if he still loves me. But in active addiction he can't give me all the emotional needs that I want. So I go to people who can love me, and treat me with the respect that I deserve. I come to alanon.
Keep working it.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Hello Barbara , there is a saying in our literature - Going to an Alcoholic for emotional support is like going to a hardware store for a loaf of bread . Sad but true . and I too kept going there over and over again always to get hurt again and again. that is our insanity doing the same things over again and again thinking this time it will be diff.
This disease is not about us barbara ,it feels personal I know but it isn't . and I used to continually set myself for dissapointment. Next time try saying to him HI I missed you and give him a hug , will blow him away. kill em with kindness it drives em nuts . hehe
I just went through this with my non alcoholic Dad. I am 38 and he has never told me he loves me. Mom told him, women just plain like to hear it, and gave him the evil eye. We want to know thst we are loved in words and in actions by nature. I think more so when we are strained in an alcoholic relsationship. It is not your fault! You are not causing it! And you cannot control It!
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
