The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Alanon helped today's writer move away from perfectionism when decision making and accept that we can only make decisions with what we know at the time and do our best with it.
Input can come from as many different sources as we allow, and can include our higher power, friends, readings...
The reality: few decisions, by themselves, are truly that important in the long term. Our lives and outcomes are really a function of our higher power as we conceive it.
Reminder: With the help of my higher power, decision making can be seen as an adventure: a crossroad in our life that is a challenge we now know we can handle.
"When I used to make specific requests [of God], I was so busy waiting for them to be granted that I didn't realize the answers were staring me in the face." - As we Understood... ______________
Alanon helped me realize that much of my struggle with perfectionism in making decisions was based in fear and a desire to control, thinking I knew just what 'should' happen.
What an incredible relief I felt and am able to carry with me each day when I simply make my best, informed decision and then turn things over to my higher power. I now truly believe that it is going to work out, and most importantly, that it does not depend upon me.
Grateful for the wisdom of Alanon
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks Paul for your service and share today. I struggled with my fear of making decisions for years--I was afraid I would make the "wrong" decision and would be blamed, shamed, verbally attacked, and made to feel so stupid. My FOO provided me with all those outcomes and so I learned to expect them. I also did not have the opportunity to develop self-esteem so almost every part of life seemed like a struggle. Working the Steps with a sponsor corrected much of this: I don't have to be perfect, I'm allowed to make mistakes, and most importantly, I'm OK with flaws and assets. I deserve respect and compassion the same way I give those to others. What a difference this program has made--grateful member always. :)
Good Morning Paul. Thank you for your service/ESH. Growing up as an only child and living alone most of my adult life, I was fiercely independent and got used to being in control of my decisions and taking responsibility for the outcomes. Thankfully, Al-Anon has taught me to turn it over to HP, ask for guidance and strength , learn to compromise (not an easy feat) and go with the flow. My best days are the ones where I let things naturally unfold and let HP either bless or block my grand schemes :) Have a terrific Tuesday.
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. I too am grateful that Al-Anon has given me the grace to trust in the God of my understanding more than before and the gift of realizing not all decisions are 'life/death'. Goodness - I used to battle between my ears over what to cook for dinner - as if the 'right choice' would help my A not drink. When I reflect on the BR (Before Recovery) me vs. today, I truly am grateful and so, so joyful I hit bottom and reached out for help.
My volunteer captain asked the team (7 members) to gather tomorrow at a bar/restaurant. I am extremely cautious with the virus/pandemic and still am not gathering with others because my AH & my parents are high risk. I made the decision to not attend as I also know that one member of the team rode in a golf cart yesterday with another who's not vaccinated. I'm headed back out to AZ in a couple weeks and don't want to expose myself (accidentally) while preparing to go.
The 'pre-recovery' me would have had to explain and also 'gossip' about the cart share yesterday. Recovery has taught me I don't have to JADE ever, decisions I make for my self-care are for me, and not for others. I am probably more cautious than many simply because I would be heart-broken if I were the cause of this disease in another without good reason. I am fortunate to be retired so I do what I can to not spread it or catch it. It is my hope that someone will update me if anything important is discussed!
Happy Tuesday all - it's amazing to me that it was 70 degrees here yesterday and today is bone-chilling cold. Still perplexed by our wacky winter weather!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks, Paul. Obsessing over decisions that turned out to be completely unimportant, or trying to make plans and decisions without sufficient information has been a real cornerstone of my dysfunction. In fact, I can waste hours or even days trying to decide on contingency plans for things that haven't even gone wrong yet (and probably won't!). I remember this super simple piece of advice a neighbour gave me once when I was obsessing over how to handle an anticipated crisis- "Mel, there's no point in planning for catastrophe because it never happens the way it does in your head". Simple, but it was a bit of a lightbulb moment for me and it always pops into my head when I am trying to make a decision about how to handle something that hasn't happened yet. once again it comes down to One Day At A Time, doesn't it?
