The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading, the author shares how living with alcoholism is like living through a tornado. Not only do you have to watch out for the tornado, but also for what the tornado picks up and hurls at you! Alcoholism often brings with it other problems, like verbal, physical, and sexual abuse, illness, debt, prison, infidelity, and death. Some problems can be so embarrassing, we fear talking about them. In Al-Anon, we learn that we are as sick as our secrets, and until we let our secrets out, they keep us trapped.
Most Al-Anon members find it useful to share their secrets with another trusted Al-Anon member, someone who can understand the disease of alcoholism. No matter how alone or ashamed we feel about our secrets, there are other Al-Anon members who have been through similar things and are willing to help.
Today's Reminder: The times I most want to hide out with my secret are probably the times I most need to reach out and share them with others. When facing a difficult situation, let me remember that my Higher Power speaks through other people. I don't have to face it alone.
Today's Quote: "We move from being at the mercy of any problem that comes along to an inner certainty that no matter what happens in our lives, we will be able to face it, deal with it, and learn from it with the help of our higher Power." ....In All Our Affairs
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Prior to coming to Al-Anon, my secrets kept me trapped - most of my time and energy went into trying to control and hide a disease that I could not control. Even now, after years in the program, I find myself at times holding onto secrets. I am grateful for the program and teaches practice, not perfection, so that when I find I am holding onto a secret, I recognize that I am again getting sick, and can turn to the program for help. I can talk with an Al-Anon friend, and I can let go of the secrets that are controlling my actions.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Yes, living with alcoholism is definitely like living through a tornado. And for me personally I think it's the always being on alert for when the next tornado will hit that's hardest to deal with. I wish I could become desensitized to it.
And yes, much of what goes on is really embarrassing and it is hard to talk about with others. But I am slowly getting over that. I agree that we are only as sick as our secrets.
I am grateful that others understand and get what it's like.
Thank you Skorpi for the daily and your service. I used to land square in the middle of the tornado of this disease time and time again. A part of me thought I was helping and that it was my 'role' in the home, family, disease. I had to come to recovery to understand and accept how powerless I truly am over others and what they do/don't do, say, think, etc.
I also needed desperately to accept that I am a stand-alone person, who deserves to be happy, joyous and free. I vividly remember calling my sponsor during extreme chaos with active disease and she'd calmly say things like, "why don't you take a walk"? I thought her responses to my chaos/emergencies was annoying for a long time and one day, she finally 'came clean'.
Her polite suggestions for me to go away and do something else were a gentle way of reminding me that it's not all about me, whatever's going to happen will happen whether I am there or not and the world does not revolve around me, what I think/know/believe/expect!!
I learned by practicing removing myself that she's right. The last time my 3 guys had a knock-down, physical fight, with loud screaming/cursing, I was able to sit in the middle of the family room, pause the TV and 'ride the storm out' without saying one single word. When they all realized I was not going to moderate, engage, resolve, etc. and was instead waiting for 'it' to finish so I could return to my show, they all kind of shrugged, threw more words at each other and then went on with their evening. It was the most surreal moment in my life that detaching in the midst of the storm was possible and the outcome was much improved!!
I am very open with my feelings/thoughts/actions with those I trust. I am very cautious to not blame my guys for what's going on, as it's truly not the disease or the diseased that's causing me pain, it's how I process/respond to it that creates my issues. I am so grateful for this program and what I've learned and my willingness to keep showing up and practicing.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks, Skorpi. In so many areas- al-anon and others, secrets have dominated my life. I was always convinced I was strange and terrible and my experiences and actions were embarrassing but learning to trust people enough to be open about these things here rippled out to other areas of my life and although I am very much a work in progress, I am not consumed by secrets anymore, nor afraid someone will uncover "who I really am". I have my issues, for sure but I am not constantly afraid of being seen now and that's a much nicer way to live.
