The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading talks of the writer's initial distaste of the concept of serenity, and how dull and useless serenity sounded compared to useful solutions such as curing the alcoholic, or paying the bills! But after spending some time working through the al-anon program, they came to realise that serenity didn't mean sitting around meditating and taking no action; instead, it is a powerful state of mind that allows us to take all kinds of action we couldn't have imagined before. The gift of serenity allows us to take action and enjoy our lives in spite of our worries, problems and obstacles, instead of thinking that we can't live freely or happily until we have solved them all!
I remember thinking something very similar to this when I first joined the program, and I actually remember thinking serenity might be one of those "take what you like and leave the rest" concepts for me, because I equated serenity with inaction, and inaction was one of my biggest problems! I thought if I got any more "serene" in the face of other people's bad behaviour, I'd turn into an even bigger doormat. I was dealing with "real problems" and they needed 'real solutions"! But serenity, it turned out, made it possible for me to create and defend boundaries for the first time in my life, and that opened the floodgates for me to finally start building a life that worked for ME and not for the various pushy, or abusive people around me. It enabled me to assert myself without panicking and losing my voice, or getting frightened halfway through standing up for myself and saying "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, just ignore me!" And then, to cap it off, serenity allows me the ability to enjoy my life without obsessing over what has been said, what others might be thinking, or what might come next. So I can say what I mean- without saying it mad, and then enjoy the results instead of obsessing and second-guessing myself. That's pretty handy!
I actually recall the first time I really noticed serenity. It was such a foreign concept to me that I felt excited when I realised I was experiencing it, lol! I could probably even scroll back to years ago and find a post about it because I remember feeling so pleased and wanting to share it But basically, in the midst of a lot of drama and stress, I found myself taking time out to watch TV and drink hot chocolate on the couch and I remember realising I really did feel serene, at peace, and supported by my higher power. This was so foreign to me because I lived my life in a constant state of anguish analysing, predicting, regretting decisions, I was never able to just BE. What a gift it is.
PS sorry I haven't been around to join in on other people's dailies. I feel a bit rude just popping in to make my own- it's been a bit of an intense week. I hope everyone is well
Good Morning YKM and DM2021. Thank you for continuing to contribute to the gift of serenity. Upon reflection, I notice many changes such as sleeping through the night on a frequent basis. I rarely have that knot in my stomach. My eczema is gone! I can have awkward conversations with my spouse without shaming or blaming. I find joy each day regardless of whether there are good or bad events happening. I am in awe that I no longer feel hopeless or helpless. That's the condensed version...lol. Have a great day.
Thanks YKM for your service and for all above ESH. When I first found alanon, I thought many things were silly--steps, slogans, The Serenity Prayer, etc. I think my ego (easing God out) was in the way and I was in an exhausted and terrible place. I recall the Jerry Seinfeld episode where his dad is yelling "Serenity Now!" Love the show but I guess serenity seemed like a joke--how could I ever have it while married to an active alcoholic??? Of course everything has changed because in short order, working with a sponsor and beginning F2F meetings, I got straightened out in a really good way. I continue to participate in this program and it allows me peace, freedom, self-esteem, and thank God, serenity on many good days. :)
Good morning MIP. Thanks Mel for the daily and your service! While a huge part of me wanted to insanity to slow down/stop, there was a part of me that had my esteem attached to 'all that I did to help others'. Serenity was a foreign concept to me, yet I did have tons of fear over boredom and the future in general.
It feels as if progress in this program for me has been slow yet steady when following the suggestions of those who came before me. Each morning and evening, in the beginning, I just prayed for the strength to get through a day and the willingness to practice suggestions from others. I didn't understand acceptance, humility, surrender, faith, etc. at all yet felt compelled to at least pray for willingness and strength. I found gratitude lists horrible difficult when I arrived - my outlook and esteem were in the tank.
I did not realize I had a new calm until I came to see one evening while reviewing my day that not only had I not snapped at another, tried to control another or advise another - I had felt much more comfortable while doing these things! In that moment, the serenity and calm were palpable, and gratitude came much easier.
As more is revealed and I continue to practice this program, I now know that I truly prefer serenity/calm to the chaos/drama of before. I am willing to go to any length to keep my joy and peace present, each day, one day at a time. This includes walking away from arguments, gossip, drama, etc. This includes choosing happiness over being right. This includes accepting dirty dishes in the sink vs. stewing/raging over them. I could give plenty more examples of my many 'pet peeves'; I am sure we all have our own.
Today, I just keep doing the best I can one day at a time. I try really hard to not give my power away and to let things go. Happy Thursday all - make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
But basically, in the midst of a lot of drama and stress, I found myself taking time out to watch TV and drink hot chocolate on the couch and I remember realising I really did feel serene, at peace, and supported by my higher power. This was so foreign to me because I lived my life in a constant state of anguish analysing, predicting, regretting decisions, I was never able to just BE. What a gift it is. 