The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The author says what they thought being an adult was: being in control, being cool, and looking good on the outside and cut off from the inside. It also meant doing for others until they dropped. Alanon has taught this writer a new way of living: giving up control, admitting they were powerless, realized they had become a martyr, and started sharing their feelings in meetings. This was frightening and difficult, but allowed them to be more genuine and have more satisfying relationships.
Quote: As I surrendered my imaginary power over others, I gained a more realistic view of my own life.
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I certainly relate to the imaginary power over others. I thought I knew exactly what my A should do to stop drinking. I felt entitled to be the boss because I am a non drinker. I had all the answers but none of them were accepted. I think I felt out of control because I could not arrange the sobriety for my loved one. And then I sunk into a deep hole. I had to take all the steps the writer did, facing reality with the help of a sponsor and meetings. I honestly cannot imagine my life if I had not come to my senses and try program. Always grateful.
Thank you Lyne for your service and share. Thank you Debb as well.
Accepting that you have zero control over anything but yourself is very hard for those who have "managed life" with an addicted loved one for so long. But it is essential to healing and a more peaceful future.
Happy Monday MIP!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I sat in the morning AA meeting this morning and listened, listened. listened and then remarked to one of the sharers that I wish my former (deceased) father had the ability to share as he did and maybe he did without me having the ability to understand at that time. Being an adult didn't mean for me being smarter but being more allowed to express my thoughts, feelings and memories. Was I more valid in any discussion I decided to join ? ...not at all; I just took up time, most of the time and then came to wonder what I had contributed to the lesson.
This morning by allowing another member to "father" me I grew in understanding and will continue to do so as I continued to listen and learn...thanks for letting me be grow up and share. ((((hugs))))
Thank you for your service Lyne and the daily. What spoke to me in today's reading was the quote, "As I surrender my imaginary power over others, I gained a more realistic view of my own life." from Al-Anon is for Adult Children of Alcoholics
When I came to Al-Anon, I was not happy. I truly believe I was the healthy one and those with addiction issues in my home were the issue/sick ones. While I listened and tried to accept and let go, a fundamental part of me, deep within, continued trying to control that which I struggled to accept. I had a great sponsor who repeatedly kept turning my rants, concerns, worry for others, etc. back to me - over and over again.
From simple things - what happens if you don't remind them of .........................? To more complicated things - why do you feel responsible for another's emotions, joy, sobriety, etc? It took me several years before I learned to pause before opening my mouth to ask questions, share my opinion, etc. I didn't realize that so much of how I responded/reacted to others was still a form of control and manipulation.
So, my best days are those in which I accept me authentically and embrace others exactly as they are. Whether I agree, like it, strongly oppose it, etc. when I can just let others be, I have the most peace. I'm grateful that this program has given me the freedom to just be me - a perfectly imperfect person doing the best I can one day at a time. Happy Monday all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
. Nor was I knowledgeable about alcoholism and the effects on the
