The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's author used to lose their serenity all the time, reacting to things other people said or did, and could only find relief by hiding away in the bedroom. But now, having learned to use Al-Anon tools like slogans, trusting in a higher power, prayer/meditation, focusing on self-care, and finding fellowship in meetings -- they no longer need to run away from life. Gratitude and focusing on the present moment helps them achieve serenity, even when they are in the middle of a frenzied situation.
Thought for the Day: I am powerless over many things, but my serenity is not one of them.
Quote from Courage to Change, page 248: "Today I know that sanity and serenity are the gifts I have received for my efforts and my faith."
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When I was troubled by other people and didn't know how to respond, I would either freeze or flee, and definitely not feel serenity. With my several years of working this program, things have changed -- maybe not to the point I could always be serene in a fraught situation, but I am able to get my serenity back more quickly than in the past.
A couple of hours ago, my phone rang and I could see it was a relative that used to make me feel very stressed. In the past I would have let it go to voicemail to protect my serenity in that moment. This time, I decided to answer the phone and we had a nice chat. No serenity-busting. This has been a loooooong time coming, as I have worked the steps including a Fourth Step about this person. I was ready to never have any contact with them -- but now I have empathy. Someday in the future I might initiate a call to them -- that will be next-level serenity for me, it's just not happening today. Progress not perfection.
MIP friends, how do you keep a grip on your serenity?
Thanks FT for your service and for above ESH. In my adulthood, I often responded to stress by blaming myself and sinking into a low emotional state. It could take days to get out of that. My program tools have given me a plethora of coping mechanisms that often work really well. Of course coping well 100% of the time is impossible, but I now have a much better handle on life and my responses to difficult and unexpected things.
Thanks for your service, FT, and Debbie and Lyne for your ESH.
In the past, I struggled to find serenity in chaotic situations, and there were many living with an active alcoholic. Today' I'm much better at staying present in the moment and holding on to my serenity during chaotic times. I still struggle to hold on to my serenity when I'm at the receiving end of raging, but I have gotten better about walking away, giving myself a break, and connecting with friends in those moments.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Hello all, I dont post much but let me assure you I am here nearly every day reading posts and learning from you all. This topic is something I am currently struggling with as my husbands sudden and random raging has increased in frequency. My obvious instinctive reaction is to rage back in defense, but I am proud to say that in one recent incident I was able to physically remove myself after quietly responding I have heard your position. But it was hard, so hard, to not yell back. If anyone has any more tips on what works for them to maintain sanity and not engage, Im all ears. In the meantime thanks for making me feel less alone.
{{{Seahorse}}}, I am so glad you come here frequently and find support. Congratulations on the way you stepped away from a rage situation. That is huge!!!
While I did not experience rage from my alcoholic spouse, I did experience other disturbing behavior -- and I have to say that physical distance helped me in the moment, as a way to find a peaceful spot for myself, as did saying to myself the 3C's slogan -- I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. Depending on the situation, I could also say to myself, "Not my circus, not my monkeys."
). TGIF MIP Family!!