The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in ODAT is a story about a Very Nice Girl who was reluctant to go to Al-Anon because felt she was "above" the sort of people who went there, and was ashamed that there was an alcoholic in her family. Once she was persuaded to go, she felt "above" other members whose speech or education was "less than" hers.
Finally a wise member helped her understand that love and mutual concern are keys to receiving help in Al-Anon, and shared a Bible quote that said, "There are, it may be, so many kinds of voices in the world, and none of them is without significance." Then she began to find answers from uncritical listening.
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MIP friends, I must admit that I used to be a Very Nice Girl -- I hope not as snobbish as the one in this story, but I certainly had expectations about my behavior and judgment about others' behavior, even if I was too nice to say anything about it.
Like the person in the story, I have experienced, over and over again, that people I have met -- and listened to -- in Al-Anon have fundamental things in common with me, and that I can appreciate, love, respect, and learn from them -- regardless of differences in gender, background, age, personality, and so many other non-relevant factors. I have great affection and gratitude for people that I initially thought were "not my type." I just had to spend some time listening.
Now, when I meet a new person in Al-Anon, I try to think -- I wonder what gems are there that I haven't been able to see yet? I am grateful to our program for teaching me about this.
Thanks FT for your service and above ESH. Alanon gives me the opportunity to learn from others without judgement. Unlike feeling superior, I always felt less than. So another part of my learning curve is that I am an equal--have assets and flaws just like everyone else. And anyone coming to alanon has experienced some of what I have, so I can feel understood at least by some. The rooms bring comfort and understanding.
Thank you Freetime for your service, and to all who have shared.
The Rooms of Al-Anon do indeed bring comfort and understanding. I was taught by my parents to be an open-minded and caring person. Very little judgments of others in the household where I grew up. What I noticed, is that with each year of living/dealing with the chaos of addiction, I became more judgmental. I now believe it was because I just couldn't understand why someone would choose to "blow their life up."
It wasn't until I came to Al-Anon that I dropped that need for "full understanding." Yes, I did my medical homework (I think that was important), but many times, things pointed back to "That is just what they do." It was when I decided to stop asking "Why?" that I began to have some serenity in my life. Acceptance - of the disease, of my qualifier, of my own needs (which did not match my qualifier's). This was a long process for me. It was not a "quick fix." I am finding that I am much more open-minded these days. Full circle.
Grateful for the tools this program has given me, and the understanding of MIP people!
TGIF!!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
