The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's author talks about being shocked that when they were a newcomer to Al-Anon, they heard people saying that they were grateful to be involved with an alcoholic. They couldn't believe these people had anything to be grateful for, yet them seemed happy despite their problems - which sounded exactly like their own.
The author shares that today they are grateful to have found Al-Anon. They also needed to hit a kind of rock bottom, feel the pain and reach out for help before they could find any lasting happiness. Because of Al-Anon they now have a relationship with a Higher Power that they never knew existed and friends who give them real support. They have learned that gratitude and forgiveness are necessary to their peace of mind and can now say that they are a truly grateful member of Al-Anon.
Today's reminder - Today I will practice gratitude. I will think of some of the things, big or small, for which I am grateful. Maybe I'll even put this list in writing or share it with an Al-Anon friend. Sometimes a tiny action can be a great step toward seeing my life with increasing joy.
"When things look bleakest, it is within my power to brighten them with the light of understanding and gratitude." - One Day at a Time in Al-Anon
This reading resonates with me and whilst I can't say that I would have chosen to have an alcoholic in my life, there are many things which I am grateful for as a result of it.
Before Al-Anon and probably before my AH came into my life I wanted to control things. I think this came from events which happened in my childhood and control gave me a false sense of safety. I also liked to give people advice. I thought I knew what was best for them. Living with an alcoholic changed all that. I learned that I didn't have any control at all and then through Al-Anon I learned to let others live their own lives and keep the focus on myself. I am grateful that I have learned to let go of what is not mine to control. I now have more peace and serenity as a result.
Al-Anon and living with my AH also taught me about boundaries and for that I am eternally grateful. My life before was totally without boundaries and I accepted all sorts of unacceptable behaviour. Today I have a much clearer idea of what I will and will not accept and am able to state that in as assertive but fair way.
I have also found a fellowship in Al-Anon which I would not have had without the alcoholic in my life. I have made friends and know that I am not on this journey alone.
Finally I am also grateful for the power of choice. When things get tough I remind myself I still have choices. At the moment I am struggling with the perceived loneliness of these Autumn / Fall evenings and I want someone to share them with. Sometimes I catch myself starting to wallow in pity that instead I am stuck indoors with a child and catch myself starting to feel resentful towards my AH that he now has no parental responsibilities. Then using Al-Anon I remind myself that I do have choices. I can go outside for a walk in the dark and just enjoy the feeling of wind and rain on my face. I can call my sponsor or one of my Al-Anon friends. I can hire a childsitter and go and do that class I have always wanted to do. I can embrace that I do have a younger child who is still dependent on me and be grateful that we can have movie nights and spend quality time together without the hypervigilance of what my AH might be doing if he were in the room. I can even start dating again if I want to (but am not ready for that yet - I need to love myself a bit more yet before I go down that road), but I am grateful that I have choices.
Thanks BT for your service and for all above ESH. I cannot say I am grateful to be with my second addicted spouse, but I cannot help but be grateful for alanon. So yes I get it, without the alcoholic I wouldn't have found alanon. But maybe I wouldn't have gotten so screwed up in the first place! But it's all water under the bridge now. I am grateful for the wonderful bush I bought for my garden yesterday which should give me flowers all next summer season. I can't wait to see how it grows in the spring. Definitely something I'm looking forward to. :)
Thanks for your service BT, and all above for your ESH on an interesting Alanon concept.
When I first heard someone state that they were grateful for the alcoholic in their life, it seemed counterintuitive and possibly masochistic. When they explained further, however, it made sense to me, they were looking at the spiritual impact on their life, the fact that they had encountered something so powerful they were forced to look for a spiritual solution and a higher power. Without such an encounter, they may still be wandering on their own power, effort and guidance.
I wanted that level of spiritual appreciation, take my eyes and mind off of the critical assessments of which I seemed to excel, and accept the path that was pointing me to the peace of turning things over to a higher power.
It took time, it was not something I could work specifically for, rather it was a gradually realized benefit of daily working on the Steps and my program to the best of my ability.
One day it just came to mind: I was indeed grateful I encountered such a formidable foe as alcoholism, it was the first thing I had ever encountered that left me feeling defeated, the only thing in my life strong enough to leave me willing to consider a spiritual solution to the challenge of another's drinking and all other areas of my life.
That willingness led me to a worldview change, a new perspective that brought incredible blessings to my relationships that would never have been possible as I lived before...I also experienced Serenity for the first time and learned how to experience it consistently.
Today I am grateful that I can honestly say that I, too, am grateful for the incredible changes and spiritual solutions I encountered as a result of finding Alanon, a search that would not have started without the level of desperation I hit from trying to control alcohol.
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you, BT and all who have shared. When I first heard someone say they were grateful for alcoholism -- I certainly had some negative feelings about that statement. Now I see it as my being judgmental about how someone else expresses their feelings. I would word it differently, but I think we are getting at the same idea.
Am I grateful that someone has a disease that causes suffering for them and those around them? No. But going through this experience in the company of Al-Anon, I have felt a gratitude that brings me to my knees. There was help for me when I needed it most.
In my journey I came across a phrase, something like "when we are broken, that's how the light gets in." I certainly felt broken by the effects of someone's alcoholism on my life. By embracing Al-Anon I have been able to see the light, to be enlightened, to be made lighter in spirit. And for that I am grateful.
