The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The writer says that alanon brings about changes in peoples lives because it has a secret: it is built on the fundamental ethical philosophy which has been around for ages. It is stated in widely different books including the Bible and fables of Aesop and it is about dealing gently with our fellowmen and women: The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, gentleness.
Reminder: In alanon this same thought is repeated in many ways that point out that we can do nothing by force or compulsion. I will remind myself not to be too determined in judgement and action.
Kindness is the mightiest force in the world.
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When I came to alanon I had been trying to force solutions with my A for years. I thought I had all the answers needed for our marriage. I did not see my own dysfunctional behavior. I was focused on the alcoholic and missing half of our problem. My first sponsor drilled some things into my head: dont try to force solutions upon others, and give up my own expectations (a resentment waiting to happen). I didnt understand her thinking at first, but over time it all became clear. Our program is built on compassion and understanding, not only towards ourselves but towards others. Treat others as we wish to be treated. I think the world would be a better place.
Thank you Lyne for your service and your share. I appreciate all who enter this space and give of themselves freely!
I knew I didn't have all the answers for a good marriage, so employed a marriage therapist. We saw her for about 11 years. Yes, you read that right. Whenever things would get topsy, back to the therapist we'd go - never knowing that the root cause was addiction.
I did everything I could to make the marriage a good one, until there came a time when I just couldn't, and I just became the consummate "manager." And I ended up resenting that role, but too afraid to let that control go for fear of the chaos that would ensue (by then there was a kid I was responsible for).
I am grateful to Al-Anon for helping me understand myself. I am grateful that the program has helped me to stop using my "talents" in a way that ultimately damages/effects only me, and does nothing to stop the addict's behavior.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I also learned in this program the "opposites" which my late sponsor "Don T" discussed with me. "I what you are doing is causing you concern and pain...do the opposite and get the opposite". "The opposite of fear is love and the opposite of love is fear." I worked on and practiced that for a long time; I still do and I see it as still true. Whatever I fear I do not love and whatever I love I will not fear. My Higher Power also agrees. (((())))
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