The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The writer brings up the idea that sometimes it feels as though they have forgotten what they learned in program. For example if they havent practiced detachment for quite a while, it can feel as though they forgot what they knew. Its not that they have forgotten. The situation may be the same, but we are not the same. Our experience, strength, and hope has accumulated. If I am learning about something I have learned before, its an opportunity to go deeper. We may experience the process with greater awareness, or reach out to HP sooner than we would have in the past. This is a long-term healing process that takes repetition and practice. Eventually we will learn it so well that we will have an automatic, confident, and healthy response.
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I recently had an experience like this. I was writing to my sponsor about an encounter with my A. I just couldnt leave it alone. I didnt start a big blaming or accusatory discussion, but I did make a comment about finding beer cans. My A decided to blame the cans on our carpenter, and I had to say that was ridiculous as he doesnt drink at our house. And then I said to my sponsor, I think when I have more recovery, I wont have to say anything at all. See I already know I should mind my own business, but did I forget what I know? I knew enough not to start WWIII over beer cans, but I couldnt leave it alone. But because I have had times like these many times before, after the fact, I knew exactly what to do better next time. I didnt forget, but I can make a healthier choice for me next time.
I am forever grateful, satisfied, happy, and etc. etc. for my membership in this family. Considering the lessons I use and reuse when I need them because of forgetting or an over powerful ego causes me to return to solutions that didn't work and were hurtful to me and/or others. I recently fought a relapse of my own resentments which didn't want to let go because ??. Finally I just tossed it behind me and prayed a prayer of acceptance to my Higher Power and let it all go feeling that the whine wasn't as nice as the win. God that takes a lot out of me and I don't have more molars to crack from crenching my jaw. Thanks you MIP family for the experiences. (((hugs)))
Great topic and thank you, family, for the meaningful shares.
This week I've questioned if I've been handling a circumstance with a friend from an old pattern of distortion. Second-guessing from the crazy making, gaslighting, even. The other person's reactions had me feeling I didn't do a good job on my side of the street. Something inside me felt badly about myself... I started questioning my sanity, and then I came here.
Clarity is a blessing and is a path to serenity. A good reminder that someone else's spinning out of control is not a reflection on me and isn't something that is mine to take on and carry.
Fireballs of text messages were received, each one egging me to engage in an argument. Her words were a rollercoaster muddle of emotions I don't know what would make her feel better and she probably doesn't know what would make her feel better either. When I needed to text back, it was from deep in my heart and genuine kindness...I was brief and then gone. She needed to be "right", have the last word and put me down in the process. It's a blessing to understand that those harsh words remain on her side of the street.
I feel so sorry that things went down this way. I am so grateful for the Program where I can have compassion for myself as well as the friend who is suffering from being trapped in her own distortions.
In the past, I'd throw gasoline on the fire (much like what she did.) Today, I pray for serenity for all involved and that we each find a better path. I just handed it to my HP. The door is open, but it's ok if she doesn't want to be friends.
