The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading points out that newcomers to Al-Anon are often distraught, overwhelmed, and doing all the things we in the program have learned not to do -- manipulating, complaining, trying to outwit the alcoholic, etc. But we need to remember not to judge the newcomers or try to force decisions on them. We have to give them time and space to figure out their own decisions.
Today's reminder: No matter how unbearable a person's situation appears, I know I am not capable of judging it since I can't possibly know all the factors involved. Nor can I measure another's emotional pain by my own experience and feelings. But I can offer comfort and hope, and the healing of the Al-Anon program.
Quote from Tradition 8: "Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional..."
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This reading reminds me of a couple of things: (1) How I felt and thought when I was a newcomer in crisis dealing with the severe effects of alcoholism, and (2) how sometimes when I learn something new, such as the insights I got from Al-Anon, I just want to tell everyone about it because it's so great and everyone should know and do what I have just learned how to do.
I think I have to reach a balance -- as my fear and panic begin to decrease, and my understanding grows, I also have to learn to pause before telling someone else what to do or what to think. I can only share my own experience, and let the other person take what seems useful to them. Or I might just have to listen and let them express themselves. I can't change someone else's "stinking thinking" -- I have to trust that they will grow in their own time.
MIP friends, how do you feel about those who are behind you on the path to recovery?
Thanks FT for your service and ESH. The phrase above, trying to outwit the alcoholic, was me for years. I can look back and chuckle now to myself, but it was no laughing matter then. Prior to covid we had some couples' counseling with a trained alcohol counselor. The counselor thought it would be fine for me to alcohol test my spouse. The first attempt produced nothing but anger and resentment from my A. The second attempt, some months later, was most enlightening. I knew my A would be drinking at an event. I had bought a new kit that required actually having to give a urine sample. The sample I was given looked like a fruit drink, and I knew there was not one drop of urine in it. My A attempted to trick me with some fake liquid. That was a totally ah ha moment for myself. If I'm not being given a sample, then of course alcohol was ingested. And if my spouse is going to go to great lengths to fool me, even though our counselor thought this was fine, clearly it was not fine. This was asking my spouse to do something against her will. And what right do I have to do anything like that ?
Very valuable lessons were reinforced that day: mind my own darn business. Work to fix myself. Let go and let God. Detach wth love whenever possible. Amen.
{{HUGS}}