The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's contributor discussed the negative impact of 'needing' a partner to change in order to find contentment. This and other concepts became part of the unlearning that is a valuable part of Alanon recovery.
Willingness and ability to adapt to what is while sourcing our contentment from an inner, spiritual peace is a lifelong exercise of balance and realignment.
Reminder: A set of rules cannot account for life's constant changes. Our higher power can help us find contentment right where we are, today.
"The Twelve Steps of our program have led me to a faith in God today which is based on acceptance of the world as it is. I no longer agonize over how the world should be." - As We Understood... ----------------- Whenever I am disturbed, it can be traced to my desire for some person, place, thing or situation to be different, to be as I think it should. I can rationalize that I am justified in doing so, but that does not change the inevitability of my discontentment.
My contentment depends upon my ability o accept what is, and change not what is outside, but inside...the things I can.
This fundamental, spiritual concept of Alanon has never failed me when I align with it, nor failed to point to the solution when I don't.
Grateful for the wisdom and reminders of Alanon
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks Paul for your service and ESH. Balance and realignment is another way of saying let go and let God, live and let live, etc. These are tools I need to practice daily.
This is one concept in Al-Anon that I will always struggle with. One cannot just apply "Let it Be," or "adapt" in cases of abuse. There are too many negative repercussions. And trust me, "we" (used collectively) have learned to adapt enough... to "our" health detriment. However, I appreciate Paul's service immensely. I can see the value of his share, where it applies to me.
I am not trying to be confrontational. I just want to be that voice that tells the newbie. "It's OK if you have a dissenting opinion. You can still follow the Al-Anon program. All parts of the program may not come to you right away. It is a good example of, 'Take what you like, and leave the rest.' You are still welcome here."
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Perhaps I would add that nowhere in Alanon does it suggest that we stand in to take abuse whether it be situational one off or established pattern (see Abuse in index: p. 51, 106, 273, 297). We need to take the steps needed to get away from that particular situation, or determine if a longer term solution is required.
I did not sense that this page was addressing an abusive situation, but as is the perspective Alanon encourages us to consider: wanting someone else to change so that we can be happy.
If it is a case of abuse, Alanon suggests the same resolution: that we not try to change the other person, but take the steps necessary ourselves to ensure our physical safety, well being, and emotional health.
I agree, it is very important to emphasize the importance of safety to all, including newcomers.
Worth noting, however, is that the concept of 'abuse' has been extended for some to include anything that makes them feel uncomfortable or offended. We are encouraged by the program to consider our feelings, motivations, intent for signs that they may be tied to a desire to control or change others.
No confrontation apparent
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
