Today's Hope for Today falls under the topic "Facing the Past," in our reader. The reading speaks about fear of confrontation. It talks about the before recovery experiences of an Alanon member who was raised in a home with alcoholism. It then tells of the positive changes the member made as a result finding recovery and working the Alanon program.

The reading speaks about many unresolved issues with family that replicated in the form of conflicts with neighbors, coworkers and friends. It goes on to state that as a result of choosing to work the 12 steps of the Alanon program, the member experienced a breakthrough. They were able to end their cycle of suffering, find awareness, courage, self love and willingness. The reward was a different way of living with new healthier attitudes and choices.

One awareness that Alanon member came to was their comparison of the unacceptable behaviors of people they encountered in adulthood to those of the alcoholic in their growing up years. They learned through working Alanon that they can confront uncomfortable feelings during such times rather than physically fleeing. They learn to respond with program tools such as detachment, calling upon their higher power for help, making a call to their sponsor or perhaps choosing to stop and using the slogan THINK instead of reacting in the same unhealthy ways they had before finding recovery.

The member finds when applying the Alanon tools, they are less apt to recreate the past when faced with uncomfortable situations.  Instead, they respond in a healthier manner.

Thought for the Day - If I don't take time to recover from the past, I'm bound to repeat it.

"Thanks to Alateen, I can talk to and understand people better; and I live what I call a happy, normal life."  Alateen-Hope for Children of Alcoholics, p.78

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I can certainly relate to having had feelings of F.E.A.R. false evidence appearing real when I was a newcomer to Alanon. I often separated myself as quickly as possible from people and situations that felt unsafe to me. Often I operationalized F.E.A.R. F everything and run. Why take any chances! When we know better we do better. Back then, I only had my past to look to and the unhealthy outcomes from involvement with those who were displaying unhealthy and unsafe behaviors.

Today because of the program I'm able to better discern safe from unsafe situations and people and use an Alanon program response rather than react with my own unhealthy pre-recovery behavior. I do find that taking some space away from a person and or situation can help when I feel uncertain about how to respond.

Even today, if not careful; I project current unsettling/negative personal life circumstances onto another person's words or actions. This emotional imbalance within me can cause skewed thinking. It can cause me to be overly sensitive to that person's words or actions and judge either or both as unacceptable.

I'm grateful to Alanon and it's tools that have shown me how to inventory myself and get to the bottom of what is going on with ME. Sometimes, "feelings aren't facts." So it can be important to talk things out with my hp or with a program friend or sponsor to parse out the WHY of my feelings. Ultimately, if I feel discomfort in close proximity of the behavior of another person; I still believe it's safe to trust my gut and separate myself from that person. Emotional and physical safety first and figuring out whether it is justified from a place of emotional and physical safety. For me that's just good self care.

I'm grateful that I can respond with feelings of self respect and self worth today because of working the program. The program teaches how to assert healthy boundaries with others and put them in place for myself when communicating with others.  Because of working Alanon, my own communication is healthier and more respectful of others. My goal is keep attracting, fostering and nurturing healthy relationships with others based on mutual respect and caring much like we experience in our sponsor/sponsee relationship in Alanon. TT