In the reading for Monday, 9/20, the member suggests if we have an attitude of contempt for our alcoholic, we need to seriously examine ourselves.  The member reminds us that As have an illness which includes being confused and guilt-ridden human beings with a badly battered ego.  They do not need to be directed, punished, or disciplined by us.  Surely they have qualities that demand respect, and to withhold it is a wrong that will come back to harm us.  It is important to to separate the sickness of alcoholism from the person who suffers from it.  If we can give them respect, it will give them back some self-esteem which may help them to seek sobriety.

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I will tell you honestly that in the past I have tried to direct, discipline, punish, force solutions, and do a host of other unflattering behaviors.  Prior to program I was trying to survive my marriage and didnt know any other way to accomplish change.  Being in so much pain and shame did not help me treat my A in a respectful way either.  For a number of years I could only see the bad being done to me, and not the bad that I was doing.  For several years now, I am learning a better way to handle myself.  And in focusing on me and striving for the behaviors and attitudes that bring me self-respect, there is a natural roll over of positivity that reaches my A on a regular basis.  Im not saying I can do this perfectly 100% of the time, but I have greatly improved.  Accepting reality is a huge part of my recovery, and it allows me to have progress without perfection.