The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's contributor reminds us that the purpose of Alanon is not validation of self-pity, caustic rants, or vindictive counterattacks, but to gently nudge us toward a more spiritual view and course of action.
We undoubtedly will read or hear the suggestion that it is our own view or actions that are in our power to change, and we need to in order to grow. For many, Alanon is the place where we learn it is possible to deal with personal adversity with dignity and poise.
Alanon can deliver lighthearted moments, but it has a serious mission: guiding us toward and along a spiritual path of confidence, peace and serenity.
We benefit by remembering this and keeping an open mind to the suggestions of realignment.
"I pray to let nothing stand in the way of my being receptive to what Alanon has to offer." - unknown -------------------------- When I found Alanon there was a part of me that wanted to be recognized for the amazing job I had done trying to help/save the drinker in my life; I felt I had gone above and beyond, was worthy of praise for hanging in there despite the tough conditions.
I am embarrassed to think of how self righteous I was then, and still can be now at times. I need reminders daily that point to the responsibility I have to make the changes I can within myself. The lens I choose and the direction of my focus determines what I see.
Grateful for the reminders
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
My mother-in-law died two years ago. She was the only one in the world who knew my struggle and she was my cheerleader! She let me know in so many ways that I was remarkable, heroic even, to put up with/stick by/love my AH. Boy, I miss her. I guess I also miss being told what a saint I am - miss feeling that self righteousness. Blah. I see now that she was maybe wrong in bolstering my ego that way.
I am trying to find the middle ground between sainthood and being the worlds biggest fool. What does it mean to live in the middle, to just be human? How do I accept that his actions have nothing to do with me, that I neither allow nor disallow his behaviours? How do I love someone while wearing a suit of Teflon (so nothing sticks to me)?
I did not cause it, cannot control it, cannot cure it, but can I live with it?
All day, today, I will repeat your words: The lens I choose and the direction of my focus determines what I see. I am going to focus on my actions. I am going to look forward, not back.
Thank you Paul for your service/ESH. All the shares resonated with me. . All the shares validate my experiences , gently allow me to see my mistakes and encourage me to seek solutions that work. I tried other methods to solve my problems, but none brought effective changes that maintain dignity. I'm so glad I'm no longer on a steady diet of ranting about all the things I've done for people or wallowing in self pity....Have a wonderful day.
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares and ESH. I reflect upon many things as I read this page and each time I read it, there's something different that peaks my thinking. I am gearing up for my road trip to help my dad place my mother into long-term care and reflecting on last year's trip when my parents were sick with Covid (which we didn't know when I left).
My oldest brother, 2 hours away from them, committed to going and helping them only to back out at the last minute for a reason only he knows. The other 3 of us are all about the same distance away - 18 hours via car - and were all willing. I am retired thus the likely candidate.
The oldest did not like the choice I made in lieu of the choice he made. He still holds resentment and more over how things worked out. I can honestly say that I am disappointed in his choice yet don't live 'there' - the past. It did come up today with my dad simply because the oldest, while my dad is very sad and working to accept his new normal, got an email from his first born that was pointless, arrogant and more. We discussed how to let him be who he needs to be while we keep moving forward.
So, this reading reminds me that I am now and will always be a work in progress. I do not expect others to act or respond as I do, and truly try to just let them be - those who qualify my attendance in Al-Anon and those who don't. I am constantly reminded that as a perfectly, imperfect person, I am truly blessed to have a program and tools to be and do better than before.
I constantly threw blame/shame on others before recovery. I consistently looked for cause/effect beyond me before recovery. Today, when I am disappointed, I can accept that and still move on. I am no longer bound by the chains of my own obsessive stinking thinking - there is always another/better way to be me and to be of service.
Make it a great day all....lots to do before I go! (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Paul for your service and all the wonderful ESH above. One of the greatest and sometimes hardest jobs I have to do in alanon is to recognize when my thinking/attitude is not in a good place, and CHANGE it. Im pretty good with the recognition part. The changing it is the big challenge. I can feel so stuck and down low, but I know to lean into all my tools and people to overcome the negativity. I accept this challenge, and will continue to practice, because it does get me back to peace and serenity. Thats where Id much rather be.
