The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
...unhealthy survival mechanisms we developed in a difficult environment, but have outgrown? Assets that have lost proportion?
Perhaps...regardless of how we feel about them, Alanon allows us to face them honestly, but without feeling we are responsible for removing them all ourselves. We are asked simply to turn them over to our higher power.
Reminder: We can choose to see our recognition of a defect of character as a sign of development and growth. The door to recovery and health has now opened wider.
"Sometimes we must accept ourselves, defects and all, before those defects are removed." In All Our Affairs ---------------------- This is a great page, much better when read from the publication itself, as is always the case. I am grateful for the reminders of the program and the guidance of my higher power
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks Paul for your service. I guess defects of character for me might be thought of as coping devices gone astray. I was doing my best to deal with the hands dealt to me, but since I did not figure out how to manage life differently until recently, ineffectual qualities developed. What program has taught me is not to beat myself over these defects, but instead, accept myself and change what I can. One of our group members often mentions accepting being perfectly imperfect. I think that sums things up very well.
Good Morning Paul. Thank you for your service/ESH and all the shares. Great topic/timing. Last night, my hubby blurted out "I wish I was normal." Without skipping a beat, I responded you are normal. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. I talked about ME...quirks and all. I was flooded with compassion. I recognized that many of my strengths served me well in a work environment but hurt loved ones because they are devoid of feeling. The talk ended on a positive note, highlighting that we each have our normal and to seek avenues to nurture ourselves and ignore what's deemed as "normal ". Thank you MIP/Al-Anon for giving me tools to grow...
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares & ESH. I have come to realize that I am a creature of habit, structure and routines. While this serves me well with my recovery and my growth, it is also a defect at times simply because my coping mechanisms and habits truly feel like 'muscle memory' at times.
I am one who truly must pause - it's just not optional any longer - as my 'muscle memory reaction' can still be self-serving, selfish and unhealthy. It took me years of living, coping and dealing with this disease to build that armor and it will take me years to learn new, healthier responses to all that which I can't control (but really, really want to at some innate level).
My hope is that by practicing what's suggested in our program of recovery, my responses become more 'natural' and more like 'muscle memory'! I do believe that willingness is the tool best serving me - I am willing to change, I am willing to own my mistakes, I am wiling to listen better and I am willing to practice unconditional love and acceptance.
Happy Tuesday all - started the day with golf and we are returning to warmer days....I'll accept that but would be dishonest if I didn't say having a mild few days of spring/fall temperatures in the middle of summer was AWESOME!!! Love and light to all...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Belated thanks for the service and the share Paul and to our members. Daffodils, that was a touching moment. I too have found that when I am sitting well in my own recovery, my loved ones feel safe to be vulnerable with me. Conversely, I have learned to wear less of my vulnerability on my sleeve. It is a kind of rebalancing that occurs in relationships and it is a wonderful gift of the alanon way. Self acceptance is something I can also recognise. I have a tendency to be like a puppy when it comes to life in general really and so the idea of flaws and fixing them was how I first approached this idea of surrender. I was willing to surrender not being perfect only to become perfect. lol. puppy. Eager and repeatedly running and of course eventually crashing. I think I have finally gotten tired enough to stop bouncing about and look at the whole business of living, differently. It is indeed progress not perfection. It is the ideas I held in my head of what "good enough" looked like that needing surrendering and that is life changing.
