The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading discusses and offers tools for acknowledging feelings and processing them. In this reading, the Al-anon member recalls making choices in reaction to uncomfortable emotions. Examples given are confusion, fear, anger. The person found that these unresolved feelings were a poor foundation for making decisions. They were reacting and their life felt unmanageable.
Because of Al-anon program and it's tools, the member was able to learn to respond appropriately to their emotions and deal with their feelings first. This helped them to clearly consider the facts of the situation. Here are some tools suggested in the reading for helping Al-anon members to respond rather than react to their emotions.
I can call my sponsor to to talk out the problem and defuse my feelings. I can write in my journal or do something physical, like swimming. I can use prayer and meditation to calm myself and gain perspective. I can use Al-anon's slogan, "How Important is It?" The reading reminds us that these program tools help a member to "gain space and time to untangle the threads of intellect and emotion." It allows for a greater opportunity to act instead of react to feelings.
We are further reminded that "getting better doesn't always mean feeling better." We'll have to feel our feelings which may include pain in order to let go but the discomfort will pass. The reading states that a higher power is working in each of our lives. It assures, "My life is going to work out according to God's will regardless of how I feel, so why try to manipulate situations to avoid the unavoidable - human emotions?" It just results in more pain.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Am I working with my feelings or allowing them to work against me?
"The true nature of my problem was my stubborn refusal to acknowledge feelings, to accept them and to let them go." Courage to Change p. 249
It's easy for me to revert to the old behavior of reacting vs responding to my feelings if I'm not caring for myself. I have used all of the tools suggested in this reading at one time or another but it's important for me to be mindful and use them rather than denying feelings and making decisions based on those emotions. The reading mentions the slogan How Important is It? But I have always like the saying Feel, Deal, Heal. It's a great self care reminder for me. These days unlike when I was a newcomer, I have faith that a power greater than myself is taking care of me and guiding my life. My first "go to" tool is prayer for guidance for my hp's will for me before acting on what I am feeling. My next is to talk it out with a trusted Al-anon friend or sponsor and the other things listed I have used to reason things out in my own mind in order to reach a place of "knowing," concerning whether I should take an action or not.
Hope everyone has a beautiful Saturday! TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thanks TT for this reading and great share. I relate to getting better doesn't necessarily mean feeling better. Amen to that! I like your "feel, deal, heal" saying. Never heard that one before. Recently I've become sucked into drama with my A and reached out to my sponsor for help. It's amazing how an experienced, calm mind can get me set on a better course.
Thank you, tiredtonight, for your service and ESH.
I spent the entire day yesterday mired in feeling, as did my AH. It did not go well!!
Today, if those feelings return, I will acknowledge them, but will not let them ruin what is going to be a beautiful Saturday. I already know where those feelings will take me and I do not want to go there again. I will employ Easy does it, and let those feelings float away. Let go, and let God take them.
When I am in pain, I think I am alone and no one can help me. At these times I must remember what Al-Anon teaches me. I love "Feel, Deal, Heal" and will keep that in mind.
Thank you TT for your service. This reading is very timely for me.
I have employed these techniques a lot over the last month... in many situations, not just dealing with my recovered EXH.
I had always had a hard time with "How Important Is it?" b/c to be honest, if I am having strong feelings about it, it is because it is pretty darn important to ME! LOL!
So thank you for the "Feel, Deal, Heal." This may work better for me.
I appreciate having this space and the people of MIP.
Happy Saturday all!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you TT for your service/ESH and all the above shares. I must admit I am like an adolescent in the area of feelings. I am experiencing/unearthing feelings that were denied or suppressed at this midlife stage. Feel, deal, heal will be a useful tool as I move from my head to my heart. "Autopilot" routines like prayer, exercise, program tools, check- in with sponsor or program member daily keep me functioning in a (somewhat) sane manner as I become more aware of my true self.
Thank you TT for your service and the daily. I had one emotion (so I thought) with one reaction prior to recovery - anger. If someone didn't show up, I was angry. When the washing machine broke, I was angry. When another lied to me or let me down, I was angry. When one died, I was angry. I had absolutely no idea there were more feelings than anger as it had been my life long go to response to all/any things different than I planned or desired.
What I have come to discover about me is I do have other feelings including positive ones. I rarely, if ever, allowed myself to feel genuine joy. I had 'fleeting joy' followed by my own stinking thinking of impending doom. I had no idea how to live in the present, feel a feeling, spend some time with it and then let it go - good or bad. I was one who was perpetually in the past or the future; rarely in the present.
Those scenarios mentioned above, truly I was more disappointed or sad than anger. Yet, I didn't know that because I didn't give myself the time of day to just check in, see how I really am doing/feeling and nurture me. I am better today at just allowing me to be and feel what's real - no matter what it is. I have always loved the statement that feelings aren't facts - which for me suggests I can feel sad but not have to camp there for a day/few. Today, I can also be sad that my friend is in hospice preparing to pass away from cancer yet still go volunteer and be of service to another. I can feel and still 'do' - not within my former skill set simply because I'd get stuck and not know how to walk through.
Striving to replace worry with prayer, fear with faith and trusting in this program and process has given me peace of mind and heart I didn't know existed. I find it so refreshing to be able to just ask my higher power to take care of my friend's pain and ease her passing. There is nothing I can humanly do to make this better/different for her; other than offer to pray and offer to be of service. I do know that she and the God of my understanding want me to be happy, joyous, free and celebrate her time here instead of pre-mourning her passing.
Feelings can be tricky for me yet with a sponsor and this program, it seems I can find support/help when I look for it. Love and light all - happy Saturday!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I relate so clearly to the feeling of anger and remember my sponsor's help getting me to learn the "opposites" which were the opposite feelings of negative ones which kept me in trouble. Anger for me was a normal reaction to anything outside of my control and I hurt many people with the reactions physically including my alcoholic/addict and others.
He asked me what I felt was the opposite off anger and we worked for that response. The opposite of anger is acceptance. When I can feel acceptance I will not feel anger and my system, mind, body, spirit and emotions will be healthy and my victims fewer.
Feeling anger now is mostly a reaction which I have little to no control over it and more control over the amends process. That works very well for my victims and myself and surely with my Higher Power who guides it.
