The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi MIP family. It has come to attention that the board is:
-Short of moderators;
-Webhelper is listed as a moderator;
-WebHelper is supposed to be technical support.
When I volunteered for the service position of Webmaster, it was on the understanding that it was technical support at the request of the mods. Indeed, this was actually one of my own member suggestions at the time the board first transitioned.
The problem is, we are short of moderators and sometimes issues arise that are outside the availabilty of that sole active moderator but also outside the ambit of the Webmaster who is supposed to support the moderators. Because I am new to the role, I have not stopped to think about the careful balance required when those lines cross. I have effectively on one occasion already crossed that line. The house seemed to be on fire, I moved to put it out. In hindsight and after discussion with the boards moderator, this was wrong of me. I apologise unreservedly for not stopping to think and wait.
In the spirit of service, I am acknowledging that I crossed that line and now seeking to ensure that the same doesn't happen again.
I am suggesting, subject to the agreement of the existing moderator, and after discussing the issue with the existing moderator, that I assist her with moderating the board until we can restore the service positions to three moderators. Any actions that are taken in that form of moderating will be a shared decision.
It may also be that the error I have made in automatically moderating without waiting for the other moderators input is one that causes the group to feel unsafe. I love this group and if my service skills are so lacking as to be obtrusive to the ongoing recovery of the group members then I must resile from that poor attempt at service.
I am putting this out there for group consideration and I will return later to see what our MIP group input is.
Webhelper.
Thank you for your honesty and willingness to make amends.
I totally support your suggestion to work with the other moderator. Any moderator IMO is doing both a fabulous and sometimes thankless task.
Ever since a member was banned I had hoped that the board would revert back to the place that it was, so any positive action which will help that is fully welcomed by me personally.
Thank you once again to you and the moderator team.
Webhelper, it is so wonderful to read honesty with amends and genuine care expressed. Thank you so much. I love MIP as I have been here for 10 yrs and received support of all kinds from many people.
I think the idea of several moderators is ideal. Im sorry I cannot be of more service. I do the Monday service for the board and Im also leading regularly with my F2F, now on zoom meetings. Because I go back and for between two homes my time is limited.
I am hoping all things concerning MIP will be smoothed out shortly. Im grateful to everyone who takes part in keeping things running, as well as all who regularly respond to me and help me along with my journey. MIP has become an integral part of my recovery, and Im grateful.
Please note that moderation in other boards is a private matter. They do not become a #gossipthon# that has occurred on this board.
Zoo's are not a place for recovery. Gossip is spiteful retaliatory and indeed completely pitiful. It is truly a demonstration of a person without any boundaries whatsoever.
Moderation is not a public exercise to flog people to death
Maresie
-- Edited by Maresie888 on Monday 9th of August 2021 10:07:57 AM
Breaking people's boundaries us definitely addictive firbsone people.
They use bombardment as a tactic to show they are beyond boundaries at every second
It is indeed truly pathetic to keep bombarding people with communication when they have indicated they are uninterested in engaging.
Good morning MIP family. Thank you for the input received so far. On the positive side, this thread as it is reflects exactly the conflict I have found myself in with this role. I would absolutely delete everything that is off topic after attempting to discuss it with the poster and assessing the situation if I were moderating independently. In my view, personal vendettas do not belong on the threads at all. Ok, we vent sometimes. But to remain stuck in it is unnecessary. To attempt to spread that toxicity accross the board with no thought to the rest of the group or the newcomer in my personal view is just deeply sad. Let's not feed that energy.
Maresie, I do not understand why you displacing the actual recovery threads. Again if it were up to me I would be issuing you a warning, the violation of which would see you banned for a short period.
I'm sure more will be revealed and ask our MIP family to disregard anything that doesn't serve recovery purposes. That is pretty much all I can say without stepping outside of the directions of how I have thus been elected.
Thank you A4l for your post, share, suggestions and 'ownership'.
I (as the only moderator) will not respond to each post here. I (as the only moderator) am sensing that there is behind the scenes conflict between 2 members, both have posted on this thread.
I (as the only moderator) graciously accept help from webhelper in moderating until we can get added moderators.
My take, and understand I am sick and tired of drama/chaos here at MIP, if the 2 members who are picking each other apart and causing conflict, drama and chaos on the MIP board can't talk it over and reason things out, you both can go.
I will say that if you define moderation differently based on other online communities - great. We do it here as defined for here. Save your judgment for another day/person because unless the whole of MIP wants to change what we do and how we do it, you either accept it or move on.
I have responded to each of the 'warring' persons via PM. I intend to moderate MIP to the best of my ability one day at a time. I will not take sides in a battle that feels childish, unnecessary and certainly not at all related to healthy recovery. For the ever love of all that is holy, work it out!!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I'm just going to add by "ownership" the only thing I am personally owning is where I was wrong. I was wrong to unilaterally moderate a members posts. I won't be doing that again. I am happy to assist with moderating at Iamhere's request and will now resile from the public discussion of it to better work co-operatively with her.
To moderate this board in a public setting is inappropriate Labeling members posts as leaking negativity is totally unappropriate.
However I will remind you that this is a board where a member openly shared about bombarding Betty's boyfriend after she had died. Calling him.over and over again when he was at the hospital with a significant other dying of cancer.
That same member then began bombarding me about the reason for her death. As if I would know. The bombardment was completely compulsive.
Not one person her stepped in and said bombarding bereaved people with phone messages is in fact truly abusive. Not one of you. That is how much Betty was valued in this board. You all stood by said zilch
But that member has no.boundarues. they have continued to have no boundaries and she is now offering to be the moderator. After bothering a bereaved spouse for days on end
No person with boundaries permits other people to be bombarded with unwanted messages when they are dealing with bereavement. Walking all over people's boundaries is the norm for someone with that mindset
This board permits that kind of behavior openly They say nothing about the gross labeling of anything that djes not tow the line as #toxic# and leaking negativity
That is inappropriate abusive and ineffective
I am glad to be leaving your #toxic# forum where bombard UK mg people with messages when you have been asked not to is tolerated openly
-- Edited by Maresie888 on Monday 9th of August 2021 04:36:55 PM
Maresie, leave or don't leave. I agree completely that this board should not have to tolerate your continuous ranting and raving and bombarding of off topic posts. Yet still by some miracle of a tolerance far beyond my own individual capacity you are still here. I hand that occurrence over to my HP and will not be responding to you anymore.
I was forced to put it out there that a member had been bombarding my boundaries. Other people are able to observe boundaries they are not .
Bombarding people with messages they do not want is abusive
So is gossiping about people .
I am as guilty as the rest of them when she bombarded Betty's spies when Betty lay dying in the hospital. I was waiting for someone to say something. No one did .
Then she turned her bombardment on me.
And kept it up
Therefore since my posts have been labelled #leaking negativity# I am letting g you know that it is indeed u firyntae that boundaries count for nothing on this board
If a member asks someone to leave them alone perhaps in the future you will do that. Pleaemkeep in mind this person who thinks nothing of bombarding an essential worker who is out working every day while they sit home and go swimming is a candidate for moderator
I hate to think how they would handle a new comer
And you endorse their cavalier bombardment of people on a daily basis.
Labeling people's posts as #leaking negativity# is rude and completely I appropriate. So there you have your context
Maresie - I'm speaking as a member here, not a moderator. I find your rantings a bit over the top, reasonably insane and repetitive.
You have no idea what was in the hearts, minds, etc. of members here when Betty passed. What you do know is what was shared here, which you are passing judgement on. In my mind and heart, I assume the member had the phone number for Betty & her partner because they gave it to her.
You do not get to decide what is and what is not acceptable for anyone else when they are grieving. You do not get to sit in judgement of anybody here for how they deal with member posts. Why on earth would you expect a moderator on an internet forum to intervene in the personal discussions off-line between members?
How you decide to define boundaries, intrusive behavior, etc. may or may not align with others. If you had concerns about a member who volunteered to moderate, why not speak up in that thread in that moment? Why are you dragging it here? You, and all members had equal ability to provide input into that process and you NOW raise concerns?
Why do you keep hanging on to past events? Why can't you view MIP for what it is - a forum to discuss recovery related to Al-Anon? Why do you sit/stand in judgement of how things are going here and choose to be a part of the problem vs. part of the solution?
Your participation here has spiraled into as much insanity as the member who was recently banned. As another member, it's uncomfortable to watch, impossible to participate and just so removed from our purpose and intent.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I would second a vote for a ban on Marasie if she opts to not delete her account as she's posted (several times) that she plans to do so.
I have no more patience for this chaos/drama that keeps popping up. It deters members from participating, raises my blood pressure and causes a huge influx of PMs for me.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I normally stand with the family and at the same time continue to work the program as taught by the elders. That is what has helped to create and make my recovery a daily event. I trust HP to help solve my problems and to use others in my family to create progress leaving perfection out of my support. The opposite of EGO for me is OGE "Offering God Entry".
Personally, I thought Maresie had taken her leave. She was very vocal about it, and I am surprised to see her posts again.
Her behavior has devolved. It must be noted that I am angry that I am lumped in and condemned with the "you all said zilch" crowd. How could I possibly comment on something I know nothing about!! Furthermore, this space is here to help me NOT pass judgement on others.
I had taken a break from MIP b/c of the chaos surrounding David. Not b/c of anything HE did, or posted. But because of the laser-focused, negative campaign of Maresie. IF I could've muted her, I would've months ago due to her constant negative posts. Her current posts are beyond the pale for me.
I am trusting that HP will guide her next steps.
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
