The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's author in Hope for Today shares that they had many illusions about what they could control. At first when they started giving up their illusions, they became angry and bitter. The illusions -- for example, trusting people who were not trustworthy -- were gone, and there was nothing in its place.
The concept of Let It Begin With Me was the way out of this dilemma. Whatever we want to receive from others -- integrity, trust, love -- has to begin "at home" with ourselves. It helped the author forgive others, love appropriately, speak their mind, and place principles above personalities.
Today's reminder: When I give up the illusion of control, I gain my real power by letting it begin with me.
Quote from ODAT in Al-Anon, "But we do have a power, derived from God, and that is the power to change our own lives."
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Control was indeed an illusion for me -- and I think I even knew it was an illusion, but I kept acting the same way because I didn't know any other way. The three C's were a life-saver for me, because until Al-Anon I thought that if I couldn't manage something, couldn't make it be the way I wanted it to be, it meant I wasn't working hard enough. Once I was given "permission" to admit that I could not cause, control, or cure another human being -- it was a weight off my shoulders. While it hasn't been quick or easy to change myself -- and is always a work in progress -- it's a heck of a lot easier than changing someone else.
I also love Let It Begin With Me. In the first Al-Anon group I joined, we said it at the end of every meeting as part of the Al-Anon Declaration: "When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, let the hand of Al-Anon and Alateen always be there, and let it begin with me." At first I interpreted that to mean I could -- and should -- take personal responsibility for the survival of the Worldwide Fellowship of Al-Anon, or at least of the group I was attending. Was I grateful and wanting to give back? Yes. Did I also have an over-inflated sense of my own importance? Maybe. I took it too far, and eventually ended up doing all the service jobs because no one else volunteered. Eventually, after talking it over with a sponsor, I closed the meeting. Now my goal is to only do one service job at a time. I have come to believe that rotation of service -- regularly handing the responsibility over to someone else -- is one reason why Al-Anon has been around for 70+ years.
Finally I learned that Let It Begin With Me does not mean Begin and End with Me. By focusing on myself, as the only person I can change, it's also up to me to call for help when I need it. Let It Begin with Me does not mean there isn't a higher power who can do things I cannot, or who might remind me that what I'm struggling to do does not even need to be done. For me the illusion of control was not just an illusion -- it became a burden. I am so grateful that I have given up most of these illusions.
Oh yea!! Let it begin with me how to love how to trust what I can/cannot control what CAN I change for the better???
ALL of the above was about ME and beginning with me..If I cannot love/trust me, how can i love /trust safe others??? the only thing I can control is ME..how do I respond to outside stimuli?? I DO have control over that..but only MY thoughts, MY attitudes, MY actions, etc.
When I first came here, I would offend many by telling them what to do..Like I knew it all, could fix them, and again, I was abandoned, by ME!!!
After years of hard work, I began to really see the slogans and steps and to me the slogans are "cliff notes" additions to the steps, to me?? they are the very heart and soul to my recovery and why I have progressed as far as I have and I can only get better, if I stick to it and LET it BEGIN with ME!!!!!
BTW, this is one of my favorites...it reminds me to stay in my own lane
Thanks FT for your service and for all above ESH. When I was new to program, the phrase "let it begin with me" rubbed me the wrong way. After all, wasn't I coming here for help??
But as time went on, I've come to have great respect for this phrase, let it begin with me. It gives me the responsibility to be a grown up and if things aren't quite right, well what can I do to start a change? It reminds me to put the focus on myself, and change the things/people I can, which has everything to do with ME. It is also a reminder not to have expectations of others to be different or fix things. Grateful member.
Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares & ESH. I was also not super thrilled with Let it Begin with Me....it almost sounded like Turn the other Cheek to me and I felt so beat up and defeated by this disease, it just sounded exhausting.
What I came to understand is that in admitting powerlessness, I'm releasing myself from the illusion that I can control any other person, place or thing. In the same vein, I have the ultimate power in how I respond to other people, places, things and events. I can panic, freak-out, project the worst, react or worse or I can Pause to Pray before I Proceed.
Today, let it begin with me suggests I offer to be of service instead of taking charge. I allow others to be who they need to be, even when it's painful to watch. I let others know I care and love them unconditionally, without judging them. I do all that I can to practice self-care and calm, no matter what storm is going by or over me.
Happy Friday all - we are hoping for rain here -- need a reprieve from a heat wave!! Make it a great day/evening!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
