The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My mind and memories are filled with my former, now deceased sponsor. My eldest alcoholic/addict son is now openly preaching on facebook opportunities with others. He is preaching God as he presently understands God and I am not seeing pleas from others in the family about the sick behaviors I use to see. It seems to have changed overnight and the memory of booting him out of my property and the awareness of affects of his disease on my grand-daughter and children and their family. That was sick because it involved my youngest son and his family also. The youngest and I did our inventory and amends and have made it right.
I look at the pictures and read the self gospels and turn it/us all over to God as I understand God; My Father of fathers and suppress the doubts with my former sponsor saying, "Could you be wrong?" when I feel the doubt. I have no critiques for any of this. I have seen
miracles and will see more. I live in one in progress...right here. Love you all. ((((hugs))))
(((Jerry))) - All I know is when I just appear each day with a willing mind/heart, miracles do happen. I spend most days either golfing or volunteering at golf. I decided a needed a break day, me day - last Saturday. I have not been at my home for the better part of the day since winter ended!
Long story short, as I was sitting and contemplating a nap, the doorbell rang. I was not expecting anyone, was not dressed for company and figured it was a door-to-door person - sales, politics, faith, other. I started to say, "We don't want/need anything..." and it dawned on me that it was my youngest son. I've not seen him for a while and did not recognize him - facial hair and weight loss.
He came in, sat for a while to charge his phone and it was OK. He was not sober; I was not judging. He lives a little over an hour away and left a few hours later. I don't know what today is like for him, nor yesterday or even tomorrow. I do know that it was good to see him, I was able to just be and not mother, coach, counsel, instruct, etc. I did a whole lotta praying while he was here... He did arrive a bit insane and found calm while here.
I offered him help which he declined, for now. I feel he knows that I love him unconditionally and will always be of service when asked. I sat with my thoughts/feelings for a while then talked it out with my sponsor. We decided that the God of my understanding truly is in charge of what's next - the chances of me being home in the middle of the day on a Saturday with awesome weather in summer is <10% - yet it happened.
Our program works when we work it. I will never know why I have 2 boys and both are affected/afflicted by this disease. It breaks my heart often yet keeps leading me back to trusting in a power greater than myself. (((Hugs))) brother - keep working it -- it looks so, so good on you!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I know you all won't mind if I save this for a while and come back to it later. You won't mind because you are family and you have unconditional love. These shares soften my thinking, feeling and heart which at consequences of my participation...Mahalo Thank you. I will continue in prayer only offering my feelings without expectations. (((hugs)))
Miracles, indeed -- {{{Jerry}}} and {{{IAH}}} -- miracles with our children are truly amazing. Sometimes I think I need "special eyes" to see the miracles. I know I have experienced some of those miracles, and they did not look at all like I expected them to, but I am grateful.
Thank you all for sharing.
-- Edited by Freetime on Tuesday 20th of July 2021 08:09:42 PM
I have a wonderful new sponsor, but I will miss Betty forever.when I see her name in the board it makes me both sad and glad.
Having a grown son myself, and having had joy and pain in my relationship with him, I always relate to folks discussing that parental bond. There is nothing else to compare it to. Im glad for the time you had with your grown up child, both of you who wrote above, and may there be many more positive surprises ahead.
I would like to add my thanks too for the parenting shares. They made me sit quietly and consider. I take much heart from parents and grandparents who have recovery; it is such a blessing.
I just recently got a face book picture of my son holding his 3 grandchildren and everybody healthy and happy. First picture I have ever seen of such and then I can hope and believe it. There is soooo much history of insanity in my family from his mother, her church and religion and their un-invited attempts to convince me that I was part of the devils brigade whether I liked it or not. This is and was a very long lasting practice of insanity (the continuous and disorderly process of thought) that divorce was a god given tool for me. One of their religious told me that they had come to the belief and understanding that they broke up many families. My life with the alcoholic addict wasn't as insane at this. It went on for years and still does...Thank AFG for the peace of mind and serenity I practice daily. ((((hugs))))
