The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning MIP. Starting with the Quote for the day - "As I continue to practice putting the focus on myself, it is a relief to see I can let go of others' problems instead of trying to solve them."
Reminder: My time is too precious to waste living in the future or worrying about something over which I have no power. I am building a wonderful life for myself today.
Today's reading is about how best to practice detaching. Two folks close to the writer of today's reading were in AA recovery. After years of enmeshing with them and their self-destructive behavior, he/she lost sight of the idea that happiness was a choice. If those she cared deeply about where depressed or relapsed, happiness was still a choice.
His/her turning point in Al-Anon recovery came when another suggested, "You'll have to learn to make it whether the alcoholics do or not."
We learn in recovery to focus our energy over where we have some control - our own life and joy.
In the throws of my own insanity, I truly believed that without me, my A(s) would not survive. I had way more worry and fear about their life, living, future, consequences than they did. Certainly much of who they are/how they are has everything to do with the disease, I had to learn the hard way that it's not my job/role/duty to manage, control, fix, change, redirect anybody else - with this disease or without!
I struggled with detaching simply because my habits of long time were contrary. Detaching and staying in my own lane felt so foreign, my best way early on was to actually depart - the room, the home, the conversation, etc. I had to practice doing so with kindness and compassion as my pattern was to be overly dramatic, blame others and throwing word darts while stomping away.
For me, only when I began to trust in a power greater than I with a master plan was I able to actually do some detaching and hand myself and others to the care of the God of my understanding. There are many events and conversations still in my life since I'm surrounded often by those with this disease where my instinct is to react vs. respond. Al-Anon has given me tools to help me be better and do better.
I am reminded daily of the many miracles all around me, including me, when I remain open, honest and willing. All I know is that the more I practice, even with steps back, the more serenity I have - which for me is the 'end-game'. I truly just want myself and those I love to be happy, joyous and free.
Happy Saturday all....taking a 'self' day which has a few planned things and more not. Make it a great day!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good Morning All. Thank you Iamhere and DM2021. I nodded throughout as I read your shares. I am in awe of my HP because I needed this today. I busied myself with laundry and cleaning .. .it's therapeutic Since setting a new boundary a while back, I expected a fallout and it never materialized. I guess I am sad/confused because I see that most of my problems are caused by what I do to myself or how I respond to situations. Anyways, the Al-Anon tools/slogans keep me open to change. Thanks again...Have a great day .
IAH. Thanks for your service and your post, for me it is more situations being powerless over like the situation I am in now so I am practicing the only way I know how to detach is to just slow down keep it simple easy does it and definitely keep the focus on right now, this moment, what I am doing right now and being mindful of the present and that right now I am OK. And yeah are used to think in times back I used to be afraid that I was going to lose my brother The one that I am such good friends with. We dated each others friends, we hung out together and yes we drank together but I was lucky I didnt get hooked like he did and I used to try to control him like I thought I would be the only one who could save him. But really the choice has to come from him. Something has to happen to prompt him with the desire to stop. And I have no power over that. Accepting powerlessness still to a point feels like helplessness because how many times have I been powerless and nothing got solved, I just had to accept what was no Matter how bad it stunk, I had to just accept and feel the feelings of anger and grief and walk away in my head. Do the next right thing by myself. Do the self-care thing. Still hard for me to do but I am sort of better
Thanks IAH for your service and for all the above ESH. I was just thinking how I continue to learn from reading these posts and see how other folks cope with life.
Everything from that reading resonates with and for me: learning to put the focus on myself, not trying to force solutions nor control others, how much precious time I wasted but I didnt know another way to do life, and finally being able to detach with love most of the time. These are all amazing life lessons that I only could have learned in program. Grateful member.
