The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading observes the similarities of the common cold, alcoholism, and us Alanoners: all have definite, observable symptoms (Alanoners: obsession, anxiety, anger, denial, guilt to name just a few) and none chose to have the illness.
Unlike a cold, however, alcoholism doesn't go away on its own, it worsens over time. Since it's a family disease, our symptoms behave similarly. Compassion serves as well as acceptance and recovery allows us to recognize how, untreated, we are not that different from the alcoholic.
Reminder: Acceptance helps me avoid fighting a hopeless battle against the alcoholic, and lean into Alanon and a higher power.
"By accepting the idea that alcoholism is an illness from which problem drinkers and those who care about them can find release, you will have no reason to be ashamed of alcoholism - no reason to fear it." - So You Love an Alcoholic ------------------------- Somehow, somewhere, I got the idea that I was better, stronger, more disciplined, practical, logical than the alcoholic and had the right, even the responsibility, to tell them what they should do. I didn't recognize my own symptoms when in fact they were as severe, and sometimes more so.
This still creeps up on me today; my illness takes daily treatment, effort and focus to remember that I am not fully healed and I still have much more in common with the alcoholic than not.
Grateful for the reminders for compassion and acceptance in Alanon
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Good Morning. Thank you for your service and share. You're spot on about getting the idea that I know better. Yesterday morning I was pleased that my AH was extending courtesies that allow me to focus on spiritual growth . By noon he told me a bald faced lie and instead of letting it go, I found backdoor entrances to call him on it. He responded by escalating the behaviour as if to challenge me. Trouble is, this is adversely affecting his physical health. I eventually gave it up to God, told myself strength will be provided to deal with outcomes. He is visibly sick this morning and I am not biting by telling AH I told you so. My eczema has returned. I trust God and AH's doctors will impress upon him to take his medication as directed. Your post reminds me to have patience and not judge. I will take it one moment at a time. Just like AH, I too am sick and need to focus on me. Thanks for kickstarting me back to reality. Have a great day.
Thanks Debb. As I read your post, my heart softened...ah...to err is human...will treat hubby with compassion and kindness..after all, it's for better for worse (smile)
Paul, thank you for your service and you know I have learned that acceptance does not mean I like it or I agree with it or I can condone it--it just means that I am not in denial and I accept the reality of where it is and where the alcoholic is at and I just work around the parameters of that--would I marry or get into a serious relationship with one? No! But can I be friends can I be a sister to my alcoholic brother and have a meaningful relationship with him? Yes but I have to do a whole lot of detachment in order for it to work, I have to stay in my lane and out of his Lane. I prefer to have a relationship if I were to date I would preferred to have a relationship that is not so much high maintenance and not so much needing to work my program to keep my serenity with them. I want somebody who is sober like myself
At this stage in my life peace and serenity are so important. I dont live with my brother so my situation isnt as difficult as living with an active alcoholic which I just could not do anymore. Even somebody in recovery, they would have to be sober a long long long time for me to even think about it and even then I would probably be scared because Ive gone through so much pain because of them. I forgive but I dont forget. I am completely gun shy
-- Edited by mamalioness on Tuesday 6th of April 2021 12:05:16 PM
Honestly, I think my "symptoms" before working this program were probably much worse than most A's. I am actually ashamed of my past behavior and am working so hard to do things differently.
Acceptance seems to be key for most things in life. Once you can accept something,regardless what it is, you can begin finding ways to make changes.
OMG we are having such warm weather this week. I am so stoked to be able to spend time outside. It soothes my soul to be able to.
Happy Tuesday MIP. Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares & ESH. I did not know then what I know now - this is really, really, really a family disease. All are usually affected and when I think, 'not me', that's my denial - a big part of my disease. I jokingly say often now that my denial has it's own denial. The longer I try to work recovery each/every day, the more I can see how the peeling of an onion applies to recovery.
Each day, I have more than one opportunity to accept and let go with my AH. When I can lead with unconditional acceptance and love, I tend to fair better. I still try to go to the hardware store for bread and it still doesn't go well, but at least in today's reality, there are no battles as I just realize what is and tend to let go.
I lament all the energy, time, etc. I used up trying to change, fix, control, manage, monitor those I love with this disease. I no longer use the word wasted, as I no longer see it as a waste. I deeply believe that I have had to go through every single experience to be where I am today. I can readily admit that I am human, I've made mistakes, and I will continue to do so. The best gift of this program is that I am better able to 'see' that, choose differently, make amends when I error and just move on.
I've already done 27 holes of golf today and I'm a tired gal. So, so grateful I have no other plans until tomorrow, weather permitting. Love and light all - thank you for being a part of my journey!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
