Thanks Debb for the poem, your service, and ESH. I not only saw flaws and made judgements towards others, but by far the harsh opinion landed on me relentlessly. That contributed to staying stuck in misery and being around others who were similar.

I cannot tell you how thrilled I am that with program I am able to feel content, and find joy all around me. It's such a relief and I'm getting used to enjoying life in spite of difficulties on a regular basis. Grateful member always!

Maresie888 so sorry you had a reaction to the second shot!!

The shot I got was the J&J (one shot deal). Was able to choose because the center giving the

shots were alternating the Moderna on one day and the J&J the next. I kind of knew I would not do

well with the two shot deal, because I am a long hauler.

Good afternoon everyone.

I just had a large cup of hot chocolate with a big cookie that I slathered peanut butter on. I must say I am feeling pretty content right now. LOL

Seriously though, I am having more and more times of contentment in my life. It's when I am doing things that I enjoy doing like painting and drawing or reading. It's when I am not foucsing on someone else and their issues, not working so hard to fix or chamge anyone else or myself and just allow myself to "be:. While I do think it's good and important to work on myself and make needed changes, I know I can become obsessed with it and it becomes exhausting mentally,physically and spiritually. I know just becoming who I am is as important as any changes I need to make and working on my flaws.

I feel most content when I just "am". When I allow that energy, HP, vibes, whatever you want to call it,flow through me rather than trying to force myself to be who and how I think I should be.

AH had the J&J shot and had no side effects at all for the first few days. He said he felt better than he had in awhile but then he started feeling sick and still kinda is and it's been 2 weeks. I had Moderna and instantly had side effects. I kind of dread getting my 2nd dose in a couple of weeks but I will prepare for it. I would much rather be sick from side effects than sick with Covid.

Mother nature is playing an Aprils Fool joke on us today,it's cold and actually snowing. I can't help but laugh about it though. It's also a good excuse to curl up on the couch and do absolutely nothing. Well,maybe some more cookies and hot chocolate.

Thank you Deb for your service and your share. I can so relate

I think I was harder on myself even then others but it seemed I was always looking for the negative and the flaws and the defects in life in general but now thanks to the program, I find beauty in the ashes that was my life for so long. I can fine not in the actual crimes against me of course not but I can look at the me now, and how Ive progressed in grown and detached from the past. I still have grief to sort out, but I have hope now and I have this loving community and I have my friends, recovery partners, that I share with and I kind of look at people now as if OK I just watch no judgment at all if I see that they are toxic I just walk away and let go and move on if I see they are not, I let the relationship grow slowly based on consistency and healthy behavior and are they trustworthy. In other words I dont have walls but I do still have fences because there are unhealthy people out there but I also know for a fact that there are good people out there that are healthy I guess Im trying to say that I am more open and honest and willing with myself and others

I am less hard on myself--I go one day at a time more, I noticed that I am a bit more mindful and slowing down and paying attention better, slowly I am gaining progress on things that I absolutely hated about me. And Im enjoying life more and more as I learn healthier behaviors and I know that I have to work my program every single day until I am gone from this world because the old patterns can come right back and I know this but I dont dwell on that I just say OK. One day at a time I will work on my program, one day at a time I will practice my behavior modification, one day at a time I will take care of myself and share what I can with others and its kind of funny I had this funny incident happened today

I was at my grocery store it is spelled ALDI. Its a grocery store where you can save on your groceries and when you want a car you go to the place where they are chained and you put A quarter into its slot and the cart is released and if you want your quarterback, you have to return the cart. So I return my cart after shopping and theres all these quarters like three or four of them in slots that people just didnt bother to get so I pulled them all out including mine and I just went looking for people to share half of my bounty with, older folks or just anyone that looked there were two older ladies that I just said are you going to get a cart and they said yes and I said today Is your lucky day so I told them how I scored on all these quarters. And I wanted to share my good luck and they laughed and saying to me and I just walk to my car and laughed

The old self-centered me wouldnt of thought anything like that but I had fun sharing my bounty with these people and we all got a good laugh out of it. I noticed Im laughing more--and the big thing is I notice I am trusting in my higher power more and yeah I get nervous and I can get frazzled and fear-based but with self talk and prayer and talking with my higher power, I can sort it through. Ill never fully recover but I can damn sure make a better life for myself. And I am--one day at a time and my favorite slogans after that one are easy does it and keep the focus on me. I dont know what I would do if I didnt have this program

I will never be a graduate and I am OK with that- I am OK with being a work in progress