The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about the feeling of safety that comes from alanon. The writer describes a childhood that featured all of the chaos of an alcoholic home, including a feeling that everyone (including the alcoholic parents) were children together. The writer describes being fearful all of the time- if something bad were to happen, there was no sense that anyone was in charge enough to know what to do.
The structure, routine and consistency of alanon meetings was an antidote to this experience. Everything from the opening to shares to closing was expected and there was peacefulness in the experience. Even the order of the 12 steps was a comfort- providing guidance and a foundation to rely on in recovery. The thought for the day sums up the feelings described by todays writer: safety and strength in numbers, and the numbers are found in alanon meetings. We are not alone.
These words reminded me of the feeling of being in a home as described above. In my case, while there was definitely some chaos, as an adult I felt it more as uncertainty and not knowing what might happen in specific circumstances. Of course the end result feeling was the same... fear. Being fearful and afraid is certainly magnified by feeling isolated and alone, so becoming aware that others were living in similar circumstances was the first salve for me. Im so grateful to have come here where help was waiting. The most comforting words for me then and now are: you are not alone.
I did not grow up in an "alcoholic home." My life was pretty well-structured and I felt supported. So I guess you could say I was blind-sided by Addiction when it came to reside with my spouse. The fear. The fear drove everything. And my denial kept it all under wraps. I am grateful to Al-Anon for showing me a different way to cope, a different way to look at myself, and a different way of treating myself. Al-Anon helped me uncover my strength!
Al-Anon has helped me to stay sane during the pandemic. I continue to use it's principles and slogans almost every day!
Forever grateful,
PNP
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares & ESH. I don't really know exactly why or how but I do know that I have always, always felt safe and authentic in Al-Anon meetings and with my program friends. In every other experience/space of my life, it's a bit different. The program and the steps have given me much more confidence and courage to be authentic in life situations yet I still am on guard at times.
I did not grow up in an alcoholic home. I was raised by 2 untreated Adult Children of Alcoholics. It took me a lifetime to understand how that molded me, some real good things and some I have opted to change. What I do know is that as I age, and with each stage, I am more grateful for them and have empathy for what they endured as children. As this disease has been in my family line for 4 or 5 generations, there's no doubt that many could have benefited from recovery. Yet, the shame of this disease, the denial it brings as well as the covering up, the lying, the avoidance, etc. held them back.
Al-Anon gave me a safe place to share, cry, scream, vent, breathe, learn, change and grow. No other place/group has been 'that' for me. For me, it is the structure and the discipline of the meetings that helped me streamline my own 'ways', keep most things as simple as possible, lower my expectations of me and others and truly trust in the God of my understanding to place me where I'm supposed to be. At any point on any given day, if I am restless, irritable or discontent, the best way I know to regroup and find my center is using this program/these tools.
I stand (or sit) in awe of those who came before me and were able to gather and help each other enough to want to keep helping others. The perpetual sharing of ESH by those who first started Al-anon, the welcoming of everyone - no matter who they love, the steps/traditions/slogans/literature - the summation of our program and how it works is what inspires me want 'more'. More serenity, more joy, more healthy friends/relationships, growth/change, etc.
I'm grateful for all who came before me, all who currently participate in recovery and for all who've not yet arrived. If we did not feel safe in the program, we would not keep coming back. Happy Sunday all - I've had a long, lovely day and hope you all did too! (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
predictability
security
acceptance
consistency
safety
love/acceptance
ALL of which I did not know of until I got into Al-anon, MIP, I am still fear based, but I am accepting my fears, being with them, feeling them, not resisting them so I can let them go, I challenge them in that I ask them "why are we afraid???" but always with non resistance so I can come to let go....this program has given me the structure I never had
Thank you so mich for your service. During these extraordinary times it is indeed important to reflect on stability. I appreciate your extraordinary understanding of what the founders of al anon organized. What an auspicious task that was to organize from a grass roots position. They managed to create a solid program that benefited millions out of passion and commitment. Certainly they had no.funding few resources and a legacy of failure. Creating an ambitious program out of the ashes of so much suffering is a examole of transcendence. That is of course what I have to bring to play in order to make meaning out of my life.
My own desire to create a worthwhile safe dignified life was not something I could remotely consider before. Boundaries baffled me. The possibility of serenity was some elusive subject that was always out of my grasp. I could not conceive my life could improve and that I had could have sone role in organizing that. The nature of changing circumstances always meant I was operating on a defecit.
Despite the constrains of the pandemic I have made great gains in the past year. In the past month I have been exploring grief in a new way on a far deeper level. . First I went to a grouo of extraordinary suicide survivors for a number of weeks. Then I started taking classes in grief. The latter being to find meaning in grief.That being the 6th stage of grief. The founders of Al anon, particularly Lois Wilson, made extraordinary meaning out of her life and found a purpose. . Emerging from chaos is not something that is a possibility for some people they remain enmeshed in chaotic relationships their whole lives. Indeed their lives are organized around their inability to change nothing at all no.matter what happens.
I am so grateful to be exposed to those who.can find meaning within this program. One thing that I most certainly missed out on as child was the opportunity to appreciate structure. Their chaos. unpredictability and self destruction precluded that. Now I have that opportunity in al anon to appreciate and relish the vision and innovation direction of Lois and others
Thank you for your share which brought respite and relief during a particularly trying day. One more day of working towards a vision of serenity, dignity and peace.
Safety in numbers is something I think about a fair bit. From a male perspective I am very sensitive to this.
...