Silence, it is suggested, is a blessing when used in times of reflection and meditation, but if used as a way to punish the alcoholic,

as to avoid confrontation, can be, "A grim and furious silence" that "can be more crushing and wounding than harsh words".  Under

those circumstances, it is suggested, that silence, in order to punish is considered the fruit of bitterness and resentment.

Todays Reminder:

Silence can be a two-edged weapon.  It will hurt me if I use it to hurt someone else.  Silence can also be a blessing, if I enter into it

serenely to take stock of myself and meditate on how I can improve.

God help me to know that silence, like speech, can reflect my inner feelings.  Help me to use it, not as a cork to keep my anger bottled

up, but to express a healing quiet of the spirit."

Did some research, because for me, silence is important, without it there would be constant chaos.  AH is (he admits) a part-time narcissist

and if any of you have had an opportunity to deal with a narcissist, their egos are larger than life itself.  Couple that with alcoholism and it is

a grand slam.  I found that using the grey rock" method with AH is the most humane way to live for both he and I.  If he mistreats me I wait

till the next day and calmly tell him how he made me feel.  He usually is defensive and argumentative and I just abide and move on.  But my

appropriate silence is not to punish him, it is a way to avoid his numerous triggers, and I have no problem with that, I am grateful for this

knowledge and technique, but I will admit that before I understood anything about narcissism and/or alcoholism, my silence was borne of

bitterness and resentment.

1.  Communicate with the alcoholic in your life, at a time when they are not drinking, what your expectations are.  Communicate how you

     are feeling at this time and what may have recently transpired that needs addressing.  It is only fair that you do this because utter silence 

     does not solve the issues and they need to know that you view any derogatory actions on their part and the effect it is having on you and

     your family needs to be remedied.  They cannot be left in the dark. Mean what you say, say what you mean and do not say it meanly"

2.  Going forward actions and attitudes that are personified:  Moving on equates to our continued ability to detaching with love.  Coping with

     anger and resentment, building a life of your own, development of good attitudes and courtesy for both yourself and the alcoholic no matter

     what they decide to do with their lives.  We learned in Al-Anon, one cant cause, cure or control the alcoholic.

Have a wonderful day MIP family!!