Hi everyone.  I am new to these boards, although I have been to face to face meetings a few times before. I am currently struggling with how to handle a situation with my dad that has escalated over the past several days.  A few months ago, he started giving me the silent treatment.... he did not stop talking to me entirely, but things went from normal conversation to single word answers and then weeks or months without reaching out at all.  Instead of gathering for the holidays, he declared he was dropping off my presents, and when he arrived at my house he dropped things on the porch and did not speak to me at all, despite my greeting him and asking how he was doing.  A few weeks later when my dog died, I reached out to share that sad news, and received no response at all, despite him texting later that day to ask about something completely irrelevant.   During all of this, I have not withheld any communication on my part, but have avoided asking the cause of his silence as he has used this tactic many times before to punish me and  prompt me to reach out, rather than coming to me with what he is upset about.  This past weekend, his girlfriend reached out and set up a plan to get together.  I went into it with no idea what to expect, but willing to be open about what might come and even inviting them into my home for the day on Sunday.  He came along with her, but barely spoke to me the whole time, going so far as to spend much of the visit in a completely separate room by himself.  I was again friendly and cordial and had a really lovely visit with his girlfriend, but I did not feed into his silent treatment and ask what was going on.  I ended the day feeling sad that he'd chosen to behave in that way, but feeling pretty good about how I had handled things.  

Since then?  He has sent an ugly text message yesterday (in the middle of my workday) telling me that I missed my opportunity to "rectify" things, and that he cannot believe he has such an ungrateful daughter. When I didn't answer that (because I am taking some time and space to figure out what to do), he texted before sunrise today angry that I wasn't even answering my own father now, and has since called me multiple times today (again, in the middle of my workday).  I have not answered him and I really just want this all to stop but don't want to accomplish that by giving in to his behavior.  He has hurt me several times over the past few months of this, and I don't feel this is mine to try and "fix".  His anger does not excuse his behavior in my opinion, and I don't think its unreasonable to expect someone to come and talk with you when they are angry rather than lash out at you with silence and then blame. 

His texts and phone calls are distracting me despite my not answering.  I feel awful about all of this, and I am second guessing my own actions and boundaries in this situation.  Maybe I should have reached out at some point??? But do I fix that by reaching out now?? I know that he has proven repeatedly that he will try and guilt and manipulate me into the actions he wants over and over again.  (even going so far years ago to tell a friend in front of me that its great to have a daughter who is so very responsive to guilt.)  I don't want to show him that being hurtful and mean will get him what he wants.  

Has anyone else experienced something like this?  Am I right in my expectations of him talking to me, and my expectation for an apology for his behavior?  How do I respond to the current repeated attempts to get me to answer him and attempts to guilt me?