The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A powerful spiritual concept in Alanon is that I am no better than the alcoholic and untreated, exhibit some of the same character defects I accused them of having. Today's reading specifically addresses manipulation and control.
If I honestly assess my own behavior, I won't have to look far to see where I may have plotted or tried to steer behavior of the alcoholic or others toward what I think should happen. Is that let letting them find their path and higher power or instead, playing boss?
Reminder: Alanon principles involve work on ourselves, not others; spiritual recovery in Alanon is a 'hands off' endeavor. ----------------------- Before AlAnon, I did not see what I was doing as interfering or manipulating. I saw it as something that HAD to be done for someone who could/would not do it themselves. I HAD to or bad thing ... was going to happen to them or me.
Alanon asked me to reconsider that cause/effect relationship and compulsion to change someone/thing else to allow myself to feel better. I learned that is an impossible task, harmful to everyone involved, and would therefore result in end/limitless anxiety, anger, and frustration; insanity...
This is still a challenging area, but with the help of Alanon principles, tools, and the help of my higher power, immensely better than ever in my life. It seemed counterintuitive, but I was willing to try because I had tried everything else...it works when I work it.
Grateful for the wisdom and reminders
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks Paul for your service and share. Heck, I was going to cure my A with all the help and correct steps to take, which of course did nothing except put me into an emotional tail spin which lasted for years. It is only this program that has helped me find a steady course for myself, and try with all might to take the focus off my A.
Years ago Ii came across a statement by Deepak Chopra: I am above no one else, nor below anyone else. I love this saying and keep it near my toolbox.
Happy Tuesday all - thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your ESH & shares. It's taken me years to realize that I am as manipulative (if not more so) than those I love. I can raise my hand as one who worked really, really hard to care for (control) those around me, with the best of intentions. Goodness - it's no wonder I was drained of any energy - I had anointed and appointed myself the manager, boss, secretary, cook, maid and more of the home - and nobody really liked the job I was doing.
As I embraced recovery and others suggested I keep the focus on me, small changes in me helped the house have more peace. I stopped reminding others of appointments, bills, chores, etc. and just let things go. I can honestly say that those I love do not care if there are dirty dishes in the sink or dirty clothes on the bedroom floors...I do (I'm a neat freak) so my sponsor said if I am the only one who is concerned, I had 2 choices - let it go or do it myself.
I am one who believes that we in Al-Anon can be more sick than the A. We just have our own denial about it. My AH (one vaccine shot only) rode in a golf cart yesterday with another who is an anti-masker and an anti-vaccine person. We have spent more than a year being extremely careful with all things, especially socially distancing/masks. I was actually shocked he told me and I really wanted to react. Instead, I told him to keep his distance from me for a few weeks and if the course was going to impose 'this', I no longer intend to be a member. In the BR (Before Recovery) days I would have either reacted in anger at him or spent time trying to explain why this was bad....I have no need to do either, I just need to be true to me. He was told he could no longer ride alone - course rules.
So - every day, I have a choice to be true to me or to muck up my day by nosing into the life/business of another. The former provides me the most serenity. I truly have come to a place where I respect all who are adult age enough to no longer offer my thoughts, my opinion and/or my advice - unless asked. I am grateful that more has been revealed and I am willing to change.
Rainy day here - rest & adulting around the home. Working to get a new roof - hail/storm damage. I'll be glad to be through 'this' process! Love and light to all!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
