The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning MIP. Today's reading is about self-worth, one of the topics in the Fourth Step guide in the Blueprint for Progress literature. Working though the step, the author found that they had always judged their value on the basis of accomplishments or what others said. Thus, the author worked all the time or constantly made themselves the center of attention - resulting in fleeting satisfaction.
Step 4 helped the author realize that part of self-worth can be based on the ability to love others. Saying a kind word, writing a considerate note, or just taking time out from other thoughts to appreciate another enriches the day! We have the power to feel good about ourselves, regardless of achievements or if others validate our worth.
Reminder: Let me look for appropriate opportunities to share my love with people around me. In this way I celebrate one of my most positive traits without expecting anything in return. Paying someone a compliment that comes from the heart, or thanking them sincerely for their kindness, may be the nicest thing I can do for myself today.
Quote from Abraham Lincoln: "It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him."
My hand is raised high in the air. I am one who constantly looked to others and/or outside influences for my worth. Reflecting this morning on this topic, I vividly recall how exhausting this was - not to mention ineffective. No matter how hard I worked or tried, I felt a failure simply because I was trying to be something I am not - perfect.
Today, I am better at keeping the focus on me. I find the most joy when I am of service to others. I don't need to do grand gestures, rather as the reading suggests - a kind word, a smile, holding a door open, letting another out in traffic - all of these give me joy. My biggest personal 'issue' with masks is that I can't see another's face so well - so kind words have been the chosen action this past year.
I am more able today to find worth within simply by starting my day the program way and putting my trust in the hands of the God of my understanding. When harsh words or actions are tossed my way today, I can simply 'act as if' I am Teflon - not allowing it to stick!
Happy Saturday all - off to pick up my curbside groceries at Walmart shortly and golfing this afternoon. Make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks IAH for your service and ESH. I only knew how to base my self worth on the feedback from others. Being in a dysfunctional family and choosing the same in friends and partners, this was a recipe for disaster. I was just never good enough and could only see my flaws. Learning the tools and principles in alanon has helped me to see myself and the world around me in a different and better light. Yes I have flaws but I also have assets. I can now see both. People who cannot treat me with respect do not need to be the center and focus of my life. And I find joy in the smallest things--the little chipmunk who will soon be running across my deck--my granddaughter and I have named him "Chippy." Happy Spring!
Aloha and Mahalo sister(s) your thoughts and ESH are morning blessings for me. They are necessary for my focus, my peace of mind and spirit so that I can attempt to remain attached to the lessons I learned in this program over the years I have sat and listened and attempted to practice.
I am adhering to the prayer and wish I made with my Higher Power years ago; "Place me where you want me...tell me what to do".
I am determined with and to that prayer and will not allow any other wishful thoughts into my mind.
I will be back to read and think about these wisdoms. ((((Hugs))))
Thank you Iamhere for your service and interesting share. Thank you to all who gave their ESH on this topic today.
I now understand that I am a "people-pleaser" and self-perfectionist. I also tend to believe that if I can do it, anyone can do it, the same way/level as I can, so I can tend to expect that from others.
I am working hard at my short-comings. I am trying to be less critical of myself. I came from a very loving home, where I always felt supported. So not sure where my self-doubts and perfectionism stems from. I may never know.
Reading the wisdom from the posters here feeds my soul. I continue to learn.
Grateful.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
