The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks Debb for your service and for this interesting share. Two things came to my mind. First, I kept thinking about denial and how that plays a part in not knowing the truth. BR I was unable to see what was happening to me. I couldn't see my own problems as a result of living with an alcoholic. It took time in program so I could take the focus off the A and see myself.
The second piece that came to me is: Let it Begin with Me. If I don't get healthy, nothing else around me is going to work very well. Letting it begin with me, means I have to drop my guard, see my truth, and be willing to work on it. Love this program!
Good morning MIP. Thank you Debb for your service and the daily. Thank you both for your shares and ESH. My denial was huge, so much so, that I denied I was in denial. I truly felt and thought that my pain, problems, etc. were all caused by this disease in those I love and if only they could/would get clean/sober, all would be right with my world.
When I look at this in black & white now, it shows to me exactly how insane my thinking was/had become. As I progressed in my own illness, it was so easy and almost natural for me to toss blame/shame at the disease and the diseased. The reality is that this disease changed my loved ones in many, many ways - most, if not all, not in good ways. All the while that the disease progressed in them, it also embraced and deeply affected me - in ways I will still learn as I continue my journey.
How refreshing to arrive at recovery, and first hear from others their ESH. I truly no longer felt alone in all that I lived with. It took me a long, long time to find the courage to be honest with myself about my role in much of the insanity. I had the best of intentions and felt I was helpful when in fact, I was not, in spite of my intentions.
My willingness to be honest and revisit many factors of my own reasoning has been 'golden'. I love that my truth can be different than another's truth and neither of us are right/wrong - just different. It is not my job on this earth to change anyone else - thoughts, values, behaviors, other - it's my job to find my own joy and serenity in any selfless manner possible.
I'm grateful that I no longer need to explore why things are, I can focus instead on accepting them and choosing joy. I am glad I no longer throw blame/shame for my emotions/words/other at the disease or the diseased. It's not been easy to sit in my truth and 'see' how insane some of my coping mechanisms were/are. I seriously do believe that the truth is what sets us free.
Happy Thursday all - choose joy, just for today and keep it no matter what! My 'cute' St. Patrick's Day Tee that I wore yesterday has glitter all over it - and now so does my carpet. I woke this morning and saw glitter stuck to my forehead and just laughed...(((Hugs))) - laugh a little too!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Debb for Truth and shares by Lyne and IAH. I am guilty of blaming many of my current issues on AH. Truth is, I made choices that placed me squarely in this position and my ego/denial blocked me from obvious solutions. I was always resilient and able to overcome challenging situations. Being an only child, losing Mom at age 6 (brain tumor), losing Dad at age 27 (heart/kidney failure), divorce at age 32 (husband a womanizer), I managed to build a decent life as a single for 15 years until I met AH. He was sober and in AA when we met. Once we married, he stopped AA but remained dry. I watched myself slowly become hopeless and helpless over time. I hung in there because we committed to give 100 per cent to each other. Little did I know the disease had other ideas. I now see that I, who had been so resilient in the past needed help. By focusing on my sickness (trust me, I am a bundle), I can see that I need to accept growth/change as a way of life. I am grateful to have found AlAnon. Life at home is better. I notice subtle changes in AH. We are kinder to each other. I believe he's a "keeper " but I'll let my Higher Power have the final say. Thanks for being a part of my journey ((smiles))
Gracious I need(ed) all of the time and fellowship and humility it takes/took to get me here and keep me here listening continually with an open mind and the willingness to change the things I can/could while self insisting that I do have a power greater than myself who is constantly present and just as willing to serve and be served so positive and necessary change can be mine. I need to remember that the truest condition that I became aware of when I was brought to acceptance and surrender was that, "I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know" that which took my mind, body, spirit and emotions and left me trying to get it right.
I had to be convinced by others who had the same condition as I so that I would calm down and submit to the probability that it was true. Finding out that my situation was changeable if I only became a humble student and practiced daily was the blessing my Higher Power was presenting to me.
Here I am continuing to understand this truth and expressing deep gratitude to this family for loving me more deeply then I had ever loved myself. ((((hugs))))
