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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Boundaries in Alanon- fear...
Post Info TOPIC: Boundaries in Alanon- fear...
DavidG


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Boundaries in Alanon- fear...
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 smile I am always terrified of getting things wrong. Of course one person might say it is wrong- and the next person say it was okay.

I was kicked out of home- after sticking up for my kid sister. For me it was a betrayal. A devastating experience. It was the last straw- that changed the course of my life.

 

I believe that a personal confidence is sacred- both inside and outside of Alanon...

...but I have found that some things are okay to talk about- most of the time.

Older members in my district assembly are fairly close knit. Many we have known for 40 years.

 

Recently a member talked about going through her diaries. She wants to write a book about her life. She has kept diaries for 55 years!

She explained how- by reviewing her world and her life she was able to see the shoe and abandonment in her thinking- as her life evolved.

 

My diaries are much more sporadic- but I have them- in various places.

I don't think I am quite ready to go through them all- yet. But it does seem like a really good idea.

Fact is- I also have a record of my sharing here- in this group. So a fair bit of the last 9 years is on record- in between direct and almost daily sharing.

 

But I am interested you know- mostly- does anyone fell that I have betrayed the confidence of another member?

At our district workshop, last month, we discussed- we are anonymous, but we are not invisible.

Thanks,

aww Dave. 



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Debb


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David, as long as my shares you have saved do not end up in a book  --  smile

I think we all try very hard to not breach another's confidentiality.  

 

 

 



-- Edited by Debb on Saturday 13th of March 2021 06:12:44 PM

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Debbie
Lyne


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Hi David~What an interesting question you have asked....

I am glad I did not keep my teenage diaryI know how sad I was and I dont need a reminder!

As far as writing a book goes, I think if you wanted to include anyones share from alanon, you would need to ask that person for his/her permission. Some people wont mind, and some people will. Thats what comes to my mind to answer your questions. :)

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DavidG


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  aww Debb and Lyne- for decades I wanted to write a book about my life experience.

      Looking back- I doubt it would find much of an audience. Maybe nobody. But it

     was a good goal-set.

Sharing here is a lot more like journalling. It is powerful- over time

They are my own thoughts and ESH.

Over my years in Alanon not sharing anyone else's shares has become second nature.

     And the same applies here. I listen to, and notice stuff, a lot more. And the ESH belongs to the person who shared.

     I think that is the deal! smile ... 



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DavidG


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  aww Won't start another thread here. We are in another part of the country. Everyone is out of lock-down. The only cases of covid in the country- have come across the border, and are in quarantine. The rest of us are waiting on the vaccine.

So maybe there is an extra layer of fear here? Of the unknown? Of something we cannot change?

At the onset of the pandemic some people said that those of us in recovery may have more resilience?

A bit more able to cope with the unexpected? Question marks here.

In our country- smaller and compact. The population of South Carolina. Surrounded by sea.

Later today there is a major yachting event taking place. Something that may lift the spirits of the whole country?

I slept overnight at our son's home. I have interests and concerns. But I am addressing these concerns, actively.

Our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions, and we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it.

How often have I heard this and said that? 

Maybe a big part of Step One?

And I apply the three 'A's...awareness, acceptance, and gentle HP driven action... ...thanks... aww ...



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JerryF


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Mahalo for your ESH and present thoughts David.  They sit well with what is going on within me this morning.  I love to be still in the morning and let the ESH of the fellowship float thru my spirit and memories.  I remember an acronym my former sponsor introduced me to years ago that  continues to register peace whenever I rethink it.  FEAR ...False  Evidence  Appearing  Real.  Gracious my soul smiles when I realize that over again.  Thank you family.  



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DavidG


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 aww In AoNZ, in Alanon we did not count Alanon birthdays. But I am coming up to 40 years this October.

     As I do steps 10,11, 12 I reflect on my time in Alanon, very much as much as my first 30 years...

     I needed to be a bit more forthright and assertive. As Betty told me here- "...say what you mean, and mean what you say- but don't say it mean."

Maybe that came out of the big-city Alanon groups? 

Maybe it was saying" "Lets get on with it!"?

My mum used to say:  "it's an ill wind that does not do somebody some good."

By that I mean that, With covid-19 online- and Zoom groups have burgeoned.

I do know a local NZ group which has survived because it draws in outside members through zoom.

I was asked to join it. But i demurred- because I have this group. MIP ALANON. I realised that I am not a newcomer any more!

Getting deeply involved in a group is really healing.

It requires trust- and there are group based bonds- which develop...

...there are circles of people who know each other well- with strong links between these circles.

I was concerned that our son was not out working where his partner was. By being here I realised strongly that they did need someone at home to get their daughter off to school, and to be at home when she returned.

This was a humbling insight- something I did not realise until I got here. Holding the family unit together.

So, maybe that could get some childcare? Not so easy during lockdown. People so scared and isolated.

And then again- that is their call. The sorts of options they have- and the way they see things...

... I think I am answering my own questions- about boundaries within Alanon.

Some issues I really do need to take to someone outside of the group.

But I sense what the norm is here. What actually serves to hold our groups together.

And what helps to hold ourselves together too... biggrin ...

-thanks. aww ...



-- Edited by DavidG on Tuesday 16th of March 2021 01:10:53 PM

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