The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's page suggests that we progress substantially in our recovery when we see Alcoholism as a disease. It is often not seen as other diseases as it has no single, known cause, but can be just as destructive. We cannot cure it but are more likely able to help if we recognize it as a serious illness.
Reminder: Acknowledging alcoholism as a sickness can relieve the rage that may come from perceiving behavior and actions as deliberately directed toward us.
"I pray for the realization that the alcoholic is sick and desperate, and I ask that I be given the strength to help him in the right and constructive way." ------------------------- I long thought the alcoholic in my life lacked willpower and commitment to follow the plans I created and wanted to be followed. As today's reading suggests, this lead to incredible frustration, anger, and an absolute lack of compassion.
AlAnon helped me look closer and see a person in incredible pain, who in no way could want the pain and destruction in their life that alcohol had caused.
This person was ill and it was not about me. For the first time, I felt compassion and was able to show true concern rather than impatience and demands...this was a key moment in my recovery. This opened the way for me to see that I was just as ill...
So grateful for the wisdom and perspective of AlAnon
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks Paul for your service and share. It took me awhile to accept that alcoholism is a disease, sickness, illness. And its taken quite another long while, to get over it, and trade in my anger for understanding and compassion. I do remain stuck in one area: Im saddened to the bone that my A chooses not to get help. There is excellent help in many different ways for addiction issues. The addict has to want the help. Mine does not. I have to keep my anger and frustration turned over to HP so it does not to creep back in. No one said this would be easy....
Good morning MIP. Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares & ESH. When I embrace Alcoholism as a disease vs. a choice or a moral failure, I am able to have much more empathy for the insanity it brings in myself and others. This concept also helped me do some reconciliation between my head and my heart. I knew in my heart that I loved my A(s) unconditionally, yet my brain kept suggesting they didn't love me 'enough' to change, recover, etc.
So, embracing Alcoholism/Addiction as a disease helped me greatly. I know people in my life with diabetes who cheat and indulge in sweets. I know people in my life with cancer who are chasing treatment aggressively and others who've opted out of treatment because of side affects, exhaustion, etc. I know people in my life with heart disease/failure who continue to eat poorly, smoke, etc. In all of these cases, I don't love them less or stop supporting them so why would I or should I for those with this disease?
When I am at the end of my rope, I have several mantras to help me center -- "Bless Them, Change Me!" and also "I love my A, yet hate this disease!" I'm grateful for Al-Anon and recovery as it helps me remember that no matter what's going on, I will make progress and I will be OK so long as I just keep focusing on me, stay on my side of the street, practice our principles, use our tools and lean into the power of my HP. I will never be perfect in life or in recovery, so focus on being delighted & grateful for progress.
Make it a great day all - it's still cold in my area -- relief appears in our weather forecast!! The sun is shining and I've opened all the blinds - it's sure bright with all the snow on the ground...(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Paul, thank you for sharing this topic. Really learning the science behind the disease of alcoholism is what convinced me it is a disease, explained the powerlessness that the sufferer experiences, and helped me reach understanding and compassion. I didn't get this knowledge until after my alcoholic loved one had passed away, and it would have been nice to get it sooner, but I got it at the right time for me. It helps me forgive both him and myself.
The way I see it today is that when someone is sick, I can have compassion and I can help them if they want help, but I still need to practice self-care and have my own boundaries. It's a balancing act -- and not easy.
I know that alcoholism/addiction is a disease. It's hard to have compassion when an A is being a jerk though,especially when there's help available. But not wanting or seeking that help is part of the disease too,I believe.
I hate the disease but love the addict. Sometimes it's hard to differentiate between the two and something I have to work on constantly.
We are snowed in today. It's a day where I will have to work extra hard.
HI Everyone, I always seem to be the last one on the list to answer, maybe it is the time zones, who knows, but what I do know is the help it brings me when I read all the sharings. I don't get online until the afternoon, my time. I think that is why I am always last. But who cares, I am still here.
Today, I can be so thankful for all the time I have spent in recovery, learning from AA,S, Alanoners. Going to my meetings, Conventions, Weekends, etc. I just loved all of it. What I got out of it all was to learn about the Disease of Alcoholism, and all that entails. It has helped me so much to have compassion, love, understanding for not only myself, and for all of my loved ones. I use to have such a problem to Forgive, until I read that Forgiveness comes after compassion. That took a long time for me, but I am getting there, I don't ever say I have it, as I don't. With my relationships, especially my Family, I try to remember, that I can only have a relationship that the Disease and Affects allows me to have. I, like the Alcoholic, can only arrest my effects, as day at a time.
When I was in my second marriage with a very different Alcoholic than the first, understanding some about Alcoholism, when my Husband was standing in front of me giving me a lot of nasty words. It was just so hard to keep looking at him, and telling myself that this was the disease talking, and trying not to take it personal.
I will leave you with this and hope it brings a smile like it did to me at the time. I knew I was working so hard on myself, with life and others, and probably just wanted a compliment from the other half. So, I said to him, most seriously, "How come, I can get on with everyone else, except you." Came the reply very quickly I might add. "They don't have to live with you". I just burst out laughing, I thought to myself,"You sure allowed yourself to walk into that one didn't you."
I most certainly can detach from the disease quite effectiveky with some people. There are others who are extremely difficult to detach from. My qualifier being one of them
I still have tremendous resentment towards him. Keep in mind it is almost a decade since I saw him. The amger, the feelings of betrayal are very fresh
