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We're supposed to be separating soon, my A is planning on moving out memorial day weekend. I'm very confused and I'm not sure how I'm feeling about this. I knew it was coming and on some levels, I'm relieved, but I'm also scared. That's a whole different post though. What I need is someone who's been through this.
I work part time, a really good job though no hope of it becoming full time, which is a drag. My a is planning on giving me alimony and child support, the house, etc, so we're all set. Since we only separating, I'm still covered under his insurance until we file for divorce, up to 2 years. This will be such a big change for my kids, losing their dad full time (he's not seeking joint custody, visitation will be up to the kids and he's moving to a one-room apartment). But he won't be here every day (when he's using, he's gone for up to 3 days at a time, lol, same thing I guess). If we get divorced, I know I'll eventually need to find full time work to get insurance, etc but I don't think I want to do that just yet. I think the kids will need time to adjust to losing one parent first. If I start working, they'll be losing me too, I wouldn't be home when they leave for school, come home. Granted, they're 12 and 15, but I've been home since my youngest was a baby.
I'm guessing I should try to keep change at a minimum at first, for their sake as well as mine. Maybe after 6 months or whatever, I could get another job. I don't want to change everything all at once. Any advice would be helpful...
I went through seperation and finally a divorce. The seperation was almost 2 years ago now. Sounds to me like you have a good plan. It was very scary for me at first too, the uncertainty, the hurt and getting used to not having someone else in the house.
Take care of yourself, be there for your kids. Look at the thing like it is....an opportunity for growth and change in your life for the better. No matter what happens, whether you eventually get back with your husband or not, keep working on you....read your literature, go to meetings and keep coming back!!!! You will be pleased with the results!!!
I was just telling folks the other day, I wouldnt go back to my old life for anything, not even having my ex-wife and step sons back in my life. This program has taught me how to have faith in my HP. All will be as it will be, the only thing we can control is how we choose to deal with things.
I agree changing things too quickly may bring on more insecure feelings for them. My kids are small but we went through a temporary separation about a month ago that lasted almost 7 weeks. It was tough on everyone especially the children. They had a great deal of anger and felt extremely insecure and continued to ask if I was going to leave. Your kids are old enough that they can share their feelings about the separation with you. Keep them informed so they know what to expect it will ease the transition of things.
As far as work, you will know when the right time to make a change will be. Stay strong and continue working your program it will help you get through some tough times. I'm sorry you all have to go through this. Keep posting and let us know how you are.
Hugs, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
i'm going thru the divorce process right now. my a husband has lost his job, so no $ comming in from him anytime soon. and i work part time. so my conclusion for me is to keep doing what i'm doing for now. my youngest is 3 and my job is evenings so i've been lucky to stay home with her during the day. as i did with the older 2 kids. but i know that i'm going to have to do this differently but i'm putting it off for as long as i can for their sake as well as mine. we have to adjust to this new life.just trusting my hp that all will be ok. i know when i was a kid all i wanted was more time with my mom and dad. i didn't care about stuff just spending time with them, having them be around. they were workaholics. although i think it might have been more them being emotionally unavailable. good luck to us all!!
