The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was up most of the night thinking alot about somethings that were said. Someone got me thinking about one of the old A's in my life. Who recently decided he wanted to date me. For me there would be no going back with him. He has asked for forgiveness for things he has done to me. I have given it. But for me I have no feelings there. Some feelings that I have started bubbling up. About my recent A. I started reading in my books to gain more strength. For some reason I didn't sleep as well as I thought I should. So I tried the room but no one was in yet and I need to vent. So figured I would give this a try. I know I need a sponcer (sp?) for me. Didn't realize it until last night. I have been praying but still haven't been shown who yet. My recent A and I have been talking daily. I have given it to my HP. But last night for the first time in awhile he didn't call me. I didn't call him. I am working on my detachment and my HP gave me strength last night. But it was difficult. I think maybe I am doing something wrong in my recovery? I just don't want to be like I was before. I had so many bad feelings and I really am liking who I am becoming. But I am wondering what I am doing wrong? Then I started thinking about all the friends I had been unbelievable to. It hurts knowing that I was so obsessive and tried to control the situation with him that I hurt them. And myself for being a not so nice person. I know I used to think I had all the answers. I know I don't have them anymore. I think a part of me is frustrated at times. Thanks for being here I know I will have good and bad days in my recovery. I can say last night for me was a hard one.
It helps to know that others have been where I am at. Thanks for your support.
Angeleyes
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I believe in my HP to show me the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for sharing that. I can sure feel the program in your post. It helped me to read it.
My AW and I seperated several years ago. Some days I called, some days I didn't. Some days that bothered me and some it didn't. Reguardless my AW considered it all "playing games" with her.
I wasn't, it was just some days I wasn't up to it. I wasn't in the program at the time, just floundering around with myself.
Looks like I am going to get the oportunity to try seperation with a program. The only difference for me will be less guilt about not calling when it's not best for me to do so. Just like you that will not be easy for me as I have learned that I am quite codependent.
But I can see a lot of strength in your post, and with the support of our HP I know it will work out for the best.
Keep your chin up, keep posting, it helps all of us to strenghten our programs if we learn from each other. I really don't know what I would do without it.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
